Creating a Masterpiece

I love art. I love the thrill I get when I suddenly have a great idea for a painting, and I absolutely LOVE the feeling of satisfaction when it turns out just the way I wanted it to!

When I start a new painting I know exactly how I want it to look. I have the lay out and color shemes all mapped out in my mind. I have a plan long before I have a painting. To start I begin sketching my design on the canvas.....

Oops, get out of my straight line you silly curve! *Erase*

Uh uh, nope! You Mr. circle are meant to be over here.

I suppose if a canvas could talk it would say "Hey! Ouch! Did you REALLY need to erase that line? WHOA! AGAIN? This is too painful! Just leave me the way I am thank you very much!" But, when the lines and shapes all go together the way I planned and designed them to be, the painting looks amazing! It's just what I wanted! It makes me happy, excited, Proud. People look at that painting and say, "Wow, it's clear you put time into that!" or "How did you come up with that idea?" They don't say, "That painting did a good job painting itself!"  My paintings point to me, the creator. They show my creativeness, skill effort, and love of art. If I allowed that painting to design and create itself it would be blank or messy at best. No, only by allowing the artist to do the work can a real masterpiece appear.

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

Funny how God's lessons show up everywhere eh?

Much love,

Abbey

Taking the, Not so good, leap

Have you ever had one of those days where EVERYTHING is against you? I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. In my mind everyone was against me. My husband, the alarm clock, the stupid hot water in the shower that made my sunburned skin sting. Everything and everyone was making me want to cry. I wanted to shake my fist at God and say, "Hey! I want an easy nice day ok? I'm tired and I just want everything my way please! Make it better!"

In church we sang a lot of songs that said in one way or another that God is with us in the good times and the bad times. In my minds eye I saw myself on top of a really high mountain, and then all of a sudden I jumped! Why would I do that!!?? I hate heights and, well, jumping off the top of a mountain is pretty stupid. Next thing I saw was God swooping in and catching me. "Oh good!" I thought, "He'll save me and take me back up to the top!" But it wasn't to be. He saved me alright, but instead of taking me right back to the top He gently flew me down to the bottom and cradled me on impact. I didn't die.

"Wait!" I could almost hear myself cry, "I don't want to be left here at the bottom, it's no fun here! I don't want to have to climb back to the top by myself it's too hard!" And God took my hand and said, "Who said anything about climbing alone?"

Through out the service and the day I've gone back over that mental image. First, why did I jump? I honestly believe that God was showing me that today's storm or trial was more or less my own fault. I wanted to hold on to my anger and bitterness because it made me feel like a victim and made me feel like as the victim I deserved to be lifted up and comforted. It made me feel like I deserved more than I really did. But in all honesty all it was doing was making me more and more upset and pushing me closer to the edge until I just couldn't take it anymore and had to just jump so that I could say "SEE GOD! I'm at the bottom! This is what happens when I don't get the love and compassion that I need!" Often times I go through struggles that are true storms, such as losing my mom. Those struggles are more like a fall. But even more often I run head long into those storms just to get some sympathy, it is then that I jump to my doom.

However, God caught me and gently flew me to the bottom. He didn't raise me up and comfort me like I thought He would. Life is tough. We go through struggles. It's as simple as that. I wish I had an exact answer as to why God lets trials in to our lives, but I don't. I know that for myself God allows me to struggle so that I actually see Him working in my life and so I become humble before Him and His awesome power. In fact this morning as the hot shower water made me swear I begged God to show me a way to become humble today. I wanted Him to show me something that would really get to me... and He did :) Today's struggle was my own fault and I feel like I can hear God saying to me as He lands at the bottom with me in His arms, "Abbey, this is what you wanted. You wanted to be at the bottom and be a victim. And because I know it's what's best for you, I'm going to allow it. I know you'll learn from this experience."

"BUT GOD! I don't Really want to be at the bottom! I mean, look at how high a climb that is to the top! MAN!"

"Let me help you Abbey. I will be with you in trouble, and I will deliver you"

And so God and I went hand in hand up that crazy mountain. The climb is tough and not exactly fun, but it's drawing me closer to my King and showing me what a Loving and Powerful King He is!

God never leaves us. Not when we're having such a good time that we barely pay attention to Him, nor when we have self inflicted pain. Through the calm and through the storm He is with us guiding our paths. All we have to do is choose to submit to Him and grab His hand. He'll help us up :)

Much Love,
Abbey

Pride with a capital and bold P

**Spoiler alert: I'm about to really put myself down here but bear with me. This message isn't me asking for some comforting words from friends.. in fact that would probably feed my pride :)

 Sometimes, like most women, I feel pretty down about myself. I sometimes feel ugly, or fat, or not dressed right. I often look in the mirror and critique everything I see. It doesn't matter how beautiful someone tells me I am, I still see flaws in myself. I realize that most women if not all have this problem. I don't see my situation necessarily as unique, but I do think I struggle with this a little more than anyone would realize. It gets to the point where I often let it rule my life and I try and try to meet the world's and my own standard for beauty. I'm not saying it's right obviously, but it's how I feel.

I could easily start running or eating better.... or both. I could save up money and go to the best stores and buy the latest fashions. I could even go and get my hair done more regularly so it styled better. But would I really be happy? I've been skinny before. Back in high school I went through this weird phase where I was starving all the time, yet hardly had to eat a bite to get full. It was AWESOME to say the least. But even then I wasn't happy. My hair still didn't do what I wanted, and my clothes were still cheap. I've bought nice adorable clothes, but my body just didn't fit right into them and my hair still didn't do what I wanted. And I've also had super cute haircuts that styled perfectly with barely any effort, buy those nice haircuts often showed off my unattractive clothes or not so perfect body. Don't get me wrong, I've had lots of days where I've felt beautiful! There were days when I just wore a t-shirt and shorts and felt like I was having the best hair day EVER and was happy with that. But all too often I'm not happy with anything. That's the problem. Everything could be right, and yet all I see are the mistakes.

I've always chalked this up to insecurity or envy. But pride? No, pride is when you think very highly of yourself... right? Trust me I know pride. I look at others and think, "Wow, I'm better than so and so." or "Why did they decide to do that with their life? So glad I didn't go down that road!" Now that's pride!

But maybe, just maybe, pride isn't solely about thinking highly of one's self, but just thinking solely about one's self all together? Even though I tend to think pretty lowly of myself, I am extremely prideful. Now wait just one darn minute! I thought thinking lowly of your self was being humble? Isn't humility all about seeing yourself as not as important as others? "Errrrr...." goes the buzzer, wrong again!

 As I've been learning in the last few weeks pride isn't just about having an inflated view of myself. It could be a very Deflated view of myself! But either way it's about Me, Me, Me! How does this affect me? Is it hurting or helping me? Man, I look horrible, man I wish I was this, man I wish I could change this about Myself.  Me, Me, Me.

Another issue I never dreamed was pride, is my shyness. Now I'm not saying that being shy is pride! But with me, being shy makes me dwell on it all the time! It rules my life! I don't want to go hang out with people I don't know because I may make a fool out of myself by sitting there silently the whole night. Who wants to hang out with someone like that!? Once again its become all about me. What happens if someone talks to me? What happens if someone doesn't like me? Me, Me, Me.

And the worst part of all? My devotions have become all about me. What will I get out of this today? How will this affect my life? You know it's coming, Me, Me, Me... I'm tired of looking at it that way. I'm tired of looking at life this way! Instead of wondering what I'm going to get out of my devotions and how they'll benefit me, I should be seeking God and looking for His attributes. As my pastor says, "The Bible is not a self help book. That creates an "All about me" attitude. It shows who God is, through it we can know Him personally."  It's about His fame, not mine. God wants us to be humble. Humility is about not thinking about yourself at all. It's not about putting yourself down and putting others on a pedestal. Even that tends to end up being pride. I'm done with thinking all about me, no matter how high or how low. All that matters is God! And you know, that's not me thinking lowly of myself again, but me finally not thinking about myself at all! Aw the comfort of freedom!

I'm ready Lord to brake these chains of sin! Help me to stop looking at myself and wondering what I can do to make myself better, but to start looking at you and wondering how I can show you off. Not my fame, but yours.

With love,
Abbey

Rebuke in the kindest of ways.

This is going to be a hard entry to write today. It's always a little unnerving to admit what your thinking, especially when sin is effecting your thinking. But once again God is showing me wonderful things.

I'd first like to start out with a verse that I have recently found to be a Great prayer... I'm sure many of you have heard it,

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23,24


Today a part of the verse jumped off the page, "Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life." I guess I should have known that if I'm going to pray something like that, God's going to answer me, and boy He has!!!

As I said this entry is going to be uncomfortable for me. I hate admitting my sins or issues to anyone. I'd rather the world think I was just this perfect little person that had it all together... but we all know that is so far from the truth about any of us. I feel that God's calling me to be real, to tell the absolute truth. Before I became a Christian I thought all Christians were hypocrites because they acted like they had it all together but totally did not, I don't want anyone to get that impression about me. Yes I have Christ in my life, Yes I am totally changing from it, Yes my life is getting better and better, and Yes I still struggle with sin and have down days and hypocritical moments. Though I am "no longer obligated to follow my sinful nature" (Romans 8:12-13) I still fall back into it from time to time. Sometimes I want what I want instead of what God wants.

Having said all that I wanted to share with you something God has Really laid on my heart the last few days. I am SO prideful and judgmental. Oooh it hurts to admit that! Doing a constant Bible study and spending quiet time with God has changed me in so many miraculous ways. God has taught me about my anger and jealousy. But Satan isn't happy about this. He doesn't want me to have a relationship with Christ. And so my sinful nature keeps urging me to "Look around and notice who isn't reading their Bible. Notice who's having anxiety and isn't putting it at the foot of the cross. Notice who claims to be a Christian... they don't do devos like you do, they haven't changed like you have... clearly they're not as good of a Christian as you are." Shivers down the spine! Can't you just hear a creepy whispering voice saying all of that? Satan constantly whispers these little things into my ear, stroking my ego.  "Well yes, I have been doing quite good haven't I? I am closer to God than so and so aren't I? I mean look at how they treat people or look at their obvious sin!" Ugh!!!! I used to lay in bed at night and just beg God to help me understand why I am this way. In the past I would look up psychological explanations. I'd take little personality tests to figure out why I think I'm so much better than others. Nothing ever gave me a clear answer or peace. But then this past year I've realized all my short comings are sin. Plain and simple. Sin is the root of it all.  But the awesome thing about that is We have "no obligation whatsoever to do what our sinful nature urges us to do.... But if through the power of the Holy Spirit you turn from it and its evil deeds, you will live" Romans 8:12-13


Today I read 1 Cor. 3-4. Chapter 4 verse 7 says,


What makes you better than anyone else? What do you have that God hasn't given you? And if all you have is from God, why boast as though you have accomplished something on your own? (NLT)


Um, wow. It was like God sat down next to me and said, "Abbey, why do you think you're so much better than your brothers and sisters? What do you have that I haven't given you? Why do you act as though all the changes in your life are something you accomplished on your own? Do you honestly believe that it's because of your good works and discipline that you are different? Dear child! It is I that have changed you on the inside!" And to that I argued, "Yes you have changed me, but only because I came to you. Wasn't it I that started reading my Bible? Wasn't it I that decided to have the will power to spend hours with you? Wasn't it, wasn't it?"

See! I have such a huge head that I think I can argue with God and show Him that it is all by my power.

Neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.


I may decide to water myself, to feed myself on God's word, but it because of God that I grow. If I am to boast about anything that has been given to me or has happened to me, I should only be boasting about what it is God has done, not myself. Oh it is still so hard to wrap my head around this! I want so badly to say "Look at what I have done! Look at what I am capable of!" But it is not so!

Lord I just pray that you help me with my pride! Help me to realize that it is ALL to your glory and that I can not take the credit. I don't completely understand your ways or your thoughts... infact I often feel like I am so far from understanding. Please continue working in me so that I may learn to hear your voice clearly. Holy Spirit you are the Spirit given to us from God, help me to understand the depths of God, to know Your thoughts, to discern Your ways O God! In your Heavenly name amen!

This is an ongoing journey my friends. And I am SO excited to be on it! I pray that God is able to use me to reach you and teach you just like He is teaching me. Like a potter that only works with soft clay, God will only work with soft workable hearts. We are to be teachable, we are to go to Him open handed and open minded. Not our ways and thought, O Lord, but yours!

Much love,
Abbey

Losing my moody selfish self to Christ... and it is wonderful!

A man teaching a time-management seminar pulled out a wide-mouthed gallon jar from under the counter that served as his podium. He picked up some fist-sized rocks and put them in the jar until they reached the top. Then he looked out at the class and asked, "is the jar full?" Some of the students, not knowing where he was going, blurted out, "Yes." The teacher laughed gently and said, "No, it's not." He pulled out a bucket of pea gravel and began to pour it in the jar. The pea gravel filtered down between the rocks, filling the spaces until it reached the top. "The jar must be full now, right?" Without waiting for the classes response, the man poured a bucket of sand into the jar. He shook the jar to allow the sand to settle and then added more sand until it reached the lip of the jar. "Now, is it full?"  "Probably not" they answered. He then took a pitcher of water and slowly poured the water into the jar until it began to over flow. "Now, is it full?"  "We believe it is!" He then asked, "What was this visual aid showing?" One student answered, "No matter how busy you are, there is always room for more!" The teacher said, "No, the lesson is, if you don't put the big rocks in first you'll never get them in later!"

So what does this have to do with the Bible and with God?.... Just something God has taught me in the last two weeks :) First let me show you a verse that goes along with the story above and then I'll tell you my story.

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."


The last two weeks of my life can be described as a dark and crazy whirlwind. I went from working two days a week to 5 and a half. I wasn't prepared and so I was freaking out about grocery shopping and cleaning and cooking etc. etc. etc. I'm one of those people that needs at least one whole day to myself to get stuff done. An hour here or there just doesn't cut it. And as stuff piles up I tend to get stressed out. With all my responsibilities begging for attention one very important aspect of my life was being put on the shelf.... My relationship with Christ. I read my Bible here and there and prayed quick little prayers, but I wasn't digging into His word like I was before. I was doing it more out of obligation than out of love and excitement. I kept telling myself, "I'll do it tomorrow!" Or "Monday will be a better day!" But like the time management teacher said, "If you don't put the big rocks in first (God) you'll never get them in later." And if you don't get the "big" rocks in everything else tends to shift and move and just go crazy!!

I noticed I was worrying about everything and trying to get it all done on my timer and through my plan. I was stressed from the moment I woke up, until the time I finally fell asleep. I was getting irritable with my husband again, and found myself getting hurt or upset about things that really didn't matter. I wanted to pick fights with people, even people at Walmart! I found myself falling back into the person I once was. Selfish, manipulative, moody, and just over all not fun to be with. I kept begging God to help me. I constantly thought to myself, "People do this all the time, I should be able to get by! Why are things so crazy?" But then as I read my Bible study and talked to a few people I realized, DUH! It's because I'm worrying so much about all the little things in life instead of focusing on God and giving Him my day to do with whatever He needed to do. God didn't come first in those crazy weeks. I was worrying about "food and cloths" even though God specifically says do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. (Matt. 6:25-31) God knows what He we need. We don't have to worry about them.  We then get back to Matthew 6:33 where it says, seek first the kingdom of God, then the other things will fall into place.

I guess the one good thing that came from not doing my devotions and spending quiet time with my sweet Lord was that I realized how much I had changed!! Just by reading God's word and learning a bit about who He is and seeing what He's done has taught me to trust in Him and to see things through His eyes rather than my own.

I've always been bad about sticking with things, diets, exercise, you name it and I've probably quit it after about a week. I've always wanted direct results from what I was doing. Riding an exercise bike only gives you a result after a LONG time of riding! But within a few weeks I had noticed changes in my life when following after God and surrendering to His plan. And now I'm seeing just how extreme those results were! My husband even told me he had noticed quite the difference! It's awesome! And  I can honestly tell you that I'm getting back into it. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with our Awesome God who is changing me into a better person! Just imagine how different I can be if I spend the rest of my life doing this! So exciting!!! Not I, but Christ within me :)

Thank you Jesus for showing me that if You are the focal point of my day, of my life, all the other pieces of my life will fall into place. Maybe things wont turn out the way I wanted them too, but by trusting in You and following You, You have taught me to trust Your will and to see that it is the best way! The fact that You are with me makes every moment of my life meaningful. I thank You for all these wonderful truths that You have been revealing to me. I love You sweet king! Amen

With love,
Abbey

That's My King... do you know Him?

A Call to the Fatherless: That's My King!

A Call to the Fatherless: That's My King!