**Spoiler alert: I'm about to really put myself down here but bear with me. This message isn't me asking for some comforting words from friends.. in fact that would probably feed my pride :)
Sometimes, like most women, I feel pretty down about myself. I sometimes feel ugly, or fat, or not dressed right. I often look in the mirror and critique everything I see. It doesn't matter how beautiful someone tells me I am, I still see flaws in myself. I realize that most women if not all have this problem. I don't see my situation necessarily as unique, but I do think I struggle with this a little more than anyone would realize. It gets to the point where I often let it rule my life and I try and try to meet the world's and my own standard for beauty. I'm not saying it's right obviously, but it's how I feel.
I could easily start running or eating better.... or both. I could save up money and go to the best stores and buy the latest fashions. I could even go and get my hair done more regularly so it styled better. But would I really be happy? I've been skinny before. Back in high school I went through this weird phase where I was starving all the time, yet hardly had to eat a bite to get full. It was AWESOME to say the least. But even then I wasn't happy. My hair still didn't do what I wanted, and my clothes were still cheap. I've bought nice adorable clothes, but my body just didn't fit right into them and my hair still didn't do what I wanted. And I've also had super cute haircuts that styled perfectly with barely any effort, buy those nice haircuts often showed off my unattractive clothes or not so perfect body. Don't get me wrong, I've had lots of days where I've felt beautiful! There were days when I just wore a t-shirt and shorts and felt like I was having the best hair day EVER and was happy with that. But all too often I'm not happy with anything. That's the problem. Everything could be right, and yet all I see are the mistakes.
I've always chalked this up to insecurity or envy. But pride? No, pride is when you think very highly of yourself... right? Trust me I know pride. I look at others and think, "Wow, I'm better than so and so." or "Why did they decide to do that with their life? So glad I didn't go down that road!" Now that's pride!
But maybe, just maybe, pride isn't solely about thinking highly of one's self, but just thinking solely about one's self all together? Even though I tend to think pretty lowly of myself, I am extremely prideful. Now wait just one darn minute! I thought thinking lowly of your self was being humble? Isn't humility all about seeing yourself as not as important as others? "Errrrr...." goes the buzzer, wrong again!
As I've been learning in the last few weeks pride isn't just about having an inflated view of myself. It could be a very Deflated view of myself! But either way it's about Me, Me, Me! How does this affect me? Is it hurting or helping me? Man, I look horrible, man I wish I was this, man I wish I could change this about Myself. Me, Me, Me.
Another issue I never dreamed was pride, is my shyness. Now I'm not saying that being shy is pride! But with me, being shy makes me dwell on it all the time! It rules my life! I don't want to go hang out with people I don't know because I may make a fool out of myself by sitting there silently the whole night. Who wants to hang out with someone like that!? Once again its become all about me. What happens if someone talks to me? What happens if someone doesn't like me? Me, Me, Me.
And the worst part of all? My devotions have become all about me. What will I get out of this today? How will this affect my life? You know it's coming, Me, Me, Me... I'm tired of looking at it that way. I'm tired of looking at life this way! Instead of wondering what I'm going to get out of my devotions and how they'll benefit me, I should be seeking God and looking for His attributes. As my pastor says, "The Bible is not a self help book. That creates an "All about me" attitude. It shows who God is, through it we can know Him personally." It's about His fame, not mine. God wants us to be humble. Humility is about not thinking about yourself at all. It's not about putting yourself down and putting others on a pedestal. Even that tends to end up being pride. I'm done with thinking all about me, no matter how high or how low. All that matters is God! And you know, that's not me thinking lowly of myself again, but me finally not thinking about myself at all! Aw the comfort of freedom!
I'm ready Lord to brake these chains of sin! Help me to stop looking at myself and wondering what I can do to make myself better, but to start looking at you and wondering how I can show you off. Not my fame, but yours.
With love,
Abbey
Monday, May 23, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Rebuke in the kindest of ways.
This is going to be a hard entry to write today. It's always a little unnerving to admit what your thinking, especially when sin is effecting your thinking. But once again God is showing me wonderful things.
I'd first like to start out with a verse that I have recently found to be a Great prayer... I'm sure many of you have heard it,
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23,24
Today a part of the verse jumped off the page, "Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life." I guess I should have known that if I'm going to pray something like that, God's going to answer me, and boy He has!!!
As I said this entry is going to be uncomfortable for me. I hate admitting my sins or issues to anyone. I'd rather the world think I was just this perfect little person that had it all together... but we all know that is so far from the truth about any of us. I feel that God's calling me to be real, to tell the absolute truth. Before I became a Christian I thought all Christians were hypocrites because they acted like they had it all together but totally did not, I don't want anyone to get that impression about me. Yes I have Christ in my life, Yes I am totally changing from it, Yes my life is getting better and better, and Yes I still struggle with sin and have down days and hypocritical moments. Though I am "no longer obligated to follow my sinful nature" (Romans 8:12-13) I still fall back into it from time to time. Sometimes I want what I want instead of what God wants.
Having said all that I wanted to share with you something God has Really laid on my heart the last few days. I am SO prideful and judgmental. Oooh it hurts to admit that! Doing a constant Bible study and spending quiet time with God has changed me in so many miraculous ways. God has taught me about my anger and jealousy. But Satan isn't happy about this. He doesn't want me to have a relationship with Christ. And so my sinful nature keeps urging me to "Look around and notice who isn't reading their Bible. Notice who's having anxiety and isn't putting it at the foot of the cross. Notice who claims to be a Christian... they don't do devos like you do, they haven't changed like you have... clearly they're not as good of a Christian as you are." Shivers down the spine! Can't you just hear a creepy whispering voice saying all of that? Satan constantly whispers these little things into my ear, stroking my ego. "Well yes, I have been doing quite good haven't I? I am closer to God than so and so aren't I? I mean look at how they treat people or look at their obvious sin!" Ugh!!!! I used to lay in bed at night and just beg God to help me understand why I am this way. In the past I would look up psychological explanations. I'd take little personality tests to figure out why I think I'm so much better than others. Nothing ever gave me a clear answer or peace. But then this past year I've realized all my short comings are sin. Plain and simple. Sin is the root of it all. But the awesome thing about that is We have "no obligation whatsoever to do what our sinful nature urges us to do.... But if through the power of the Holy Spirit you turn from it and its evil deeds, you will live" Romans 8:12-13
Today I read 1 Cor. 3-4. Chapter 4 verse 7 says,
What makes you better than anyone else? What do you have that God hasn't given you? And if all you have is from God, why boast as though you have accomplished something on your own? (NLT)
Um, wow. It was like God sat down next to me and said, "Abbey, why do you think you're so much better than your brothers and sisters? What do you have that I haven't given you? Why do you act as though all the changes in your life are something you accomplished on your own? Do you honestly believe that it's because of your good works and discipline that you are different? Dear child! It is I that have changed you on the inside!" And to that I argued, "Yes you have changed me, but only because I came to you. Wasn't it I that started reading my Bible? Wasn't it I that decided to have the will power to spend hours with you? Wasn't it, wasn't it?"
See! I have such a huge head that I think I can argue with God and show Him that it is all by my power.
Neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.
I may decide to water myself, to feed myself on God's word, but it because of God that I grow. If I am to boast about anything that has been given to me or has happened to me, I should only be boasting about what it is God has done, not myself. Oh it is still so hard to wrap my head around this! I want so badly to say "Look at what I have done! Look at what I am capable of!" But it is not so!
Lord I just pray that you help me with my pride! Help me to realize that it is ALL to your glory and that I can not take the credit. I don't completely understand your ways or your thoughts... infact I often feel like I am so far from understanding. Please continue working in me so that I may learn to hear your voice clearly. Holy Spirit you are the Spirit given to us from God, help me to understand the depths of God, to know Your thoughts, to discern Your ways O God! In your Heavenly name amen!
This is an ongoing journey my friends. And I am SO excited to be on it! I pray that God is able to use me to reach you and teach you just like He is teaching me. Like a potter that only works with soft clay, God will only work with soft workable hearts. We are to be teachable, we are to go to Him open handed and open minded. Not our ways and thought, O Lord, but yours!
Much love,
Abbey
I'd first like to start out with a verse that I have recently found to be a Great prayer... I'm sure many of you have heard it,
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23,24
Today a part of the verse jumped off the page, "Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life." I guess I should have known that if I'm going to pray something like that, God's going to answer me, and boy He has!!!
As I said this entry is going to be uncomfortable for me. I hate admitting my sins or issues to anyone. I'd rather the world think I was just this perfect little person that had it all together... but we all know that is so far from the truth about any of us. I feel that God's calling me to be real, to tell the absolute truth. Before I became a Christian I thought all Christians were hypocrites because they acted like they had it all together but totally did not, I don't want anyone to get that impression about me. Yes I have Christ in my life, Yes I am totally changing from it, Yes my life is getting better and better, and Yes I still struggle with sin and have down days and hypocritical moments. Though I am "no longer obligated to follow my sinful nature" (Romans 8:12-13) I still fall back into it from time to time. Sometimes I want what I want instead of what God wants.
Having said all that I wanted to share with you something God has Really laid on my heart the last few days. I am SO prideful and judgmental. Oooh it hurts to admit that! Doing a constant Bible study and spending quiet time with God has changed me in so many miraculous ways. God has taught me about my anger and jealousy. But Satan isn't happy about this. He doesn't want me to have a relationship with Christ. And so my sinful nature keeps urging me to "Look around and notice who isn't reading their Bible. Notice who's having anxiety and isn't putting it at the foot of the cross. Notice who claims to be a Christian... they don't do devos like you do, they haven't changed like you have... clearly they're not as good of a Christian as you are." Shivers down the spine! Can't you just hear a creepy whispering voice saying all of that? Satan constantly whispers these little things into my ear, stroking my ego. "Well yes, I have been doing quite good haven't I? I am closer to God than so and so aren't I? I mean look at how they treat people or look at their obvious sin!" Ugh!!!! I used to lay in bed at night and just beg God to help me understand why I am this way. In the past I would look up psychological explanations. I'd take little personality tests to figure out why I think I'm so much better than others. Nothing ever gave me a clear answer or peace. But then this past year I've realized all my short comings are sin. Plain and simple. Sin is the root of it all. But the awesome thing about that is We have "no obligation whatsoever to do what our sinful nature urges us to do.... But if through the power of the Holy Spirit you turn from it and its evil deeds, you will live" Romans 8:12-13
Today I read 1 Cor. 3-4. Chapter 4 verse 7 says,
What makes you better than anyone else? What do you have that God hasn't given you? And if all you have is from God, why boast as though you have accomplished something on your own? (NLT)
Um, wow. It was like God sat down next to me and said, "Abbey, why do you think you're so much better than your brothers and sisters? What do you have that I haven't given you? Why do you act as though all the changes in your life are something you accomplished on your own? Do you honestly believe that it's because of your good works and discipline that you are different? Dear child! It is I that have changed you on the inside!" And to that I argued, "Yes you have changed me, but only because I came to you. Wasn't it I that started reading my Bible? Wasn't it I that decided to have the will power to spend hours with you? Wasn't it, wasn't it?"
See! I have such a huge head that I think I can argue with God and show Him that it is all by my power.
Neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.
I may decide to water myself, to feed myself on God's word, but it because of God that I grow. If I am to boast about anything that has been given to me or has happened to me, I should only be boasting about what it is God has done, not myself. Oh it is still so hard to wrap my head around this! I want so badly to say "Look at what I have done! Look at what I am capable of!" But it is not so!
Lord I just pray that you help me with my pride! Help me to realize that it is ALL to your glory and that I can not take the credit. I don't completely understand your ways or your thoughts... infact I often feel like I am so far from understanding. Please continue working in me so that I may learn to hear your voice clearly. Holy Spirit you are the Spirit given to us from God, help me to understand the depths of God, to know Your thoughts, to discern Your ways O God! In your Heavenly name amen!
This is an ongoing journey my friends. And I am SO excited to be on it! I pray that God is able to use me to reach you and teach you just like He is teaching me. Like a potter that only works with soft clay, God will only work with soft workable hearts. We are to be teachable, we are to go to Him open handed and open minded. Not our ways and thought, O Lord, but yours!
Much love,
Abbey
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Losing my moody selfish self to Christ... and it is wonderful!
A man teaching a time-management seminar pulled out a wide-mouthed gallon jar from under the counter that served as his podium. He picked up some fist-sized rocks and put them in the jar until they reached the top. Then he looked out at the class and asked, "is the jar full?" Some of the students, not knowing where he was going, blurted out, "Yes." The teacher laughed gently and said, "No, it's not." He pulled out a bucket of pea gravel and began to pour it in the jar. The pea gravel filtered down between the rocks, filling the spaces until it reached the top. "The jar must be full now, right?" Without waiting for the classes response, the man poured a bucket of sand into the jar. He shook the jar to allow the sand to settle and then added more sand until it reached the lip of the jar. "Now, is it full?" "Probably not" they answered. He then took a pitcher of water and slowly poured the water into the jar until it began to over flow. "Now, is it full?" "We believe it is!" He then asked, "What was this visual aid showing?" One student answered, "No matter how busy you are, there is always room for more!" The teacher said, "No, the lesson is, if you don't put the big rocks in first you'll never get them in later!"
So what does this have to do with the Bible and with God?.... Just something God has taught me in the last two weeks :) First let me show you a verse that goes along with the story above and then I'll tell you my story.
Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
The last two weeks of my life can be described as a dark and crazy whirlwind. I went from working two days a week to 5 and a half. I wasn't prepared and so I was freaking out about grocery shopping and cleaning and cooking etc. etc. etc. I'm one of those people that needs at least one whole day to myself to get stuff done. An hour here or there just doesn't cut it. And as stuff piles up I tend to get stressed out. With all my responsibilities begging for attention one very important aspect of my life was being put on the shelf.... My relationship with Christ. I read my Bible here and there and prayed quick little prayers, but I wasn't digging into His word like I was before. I was doing it more out of obligation than out of love and excitement. I kept telling myself, "I'll do it tomorrow!" Or "Monday will be a better day!" But like the time management teacher said, "If you don't put the big rocks in first (God) you'll never get them in later." And if you don't get the "big" rocks in everything else tends to shift and move and just go crazy!!
I noticed I was worrying about everything and trying to get it all done on my timer and through my plan. I was stressed from the moment I woke up, until the time I finally fell asleep. I was getting irritable with my husband again, and found myself getting hurt or upset about things that really didn't matter. I wanted to pick fights with people, even people at Walmart! I found myself falling back into the person I once was. Selfish, manipulative, moody, and just over all not fun to be with. I kept begging God to help me. I constantly thought to myself, "People do this all the time, I should be able to get by! Why are things so crazy?" But then as I read my Bible study and talked to a few people I realized, DUH! It's because I'm worrying so much about all the little things in life instead of focusing on God and giving Him my day to do with whatever He needed to do. God didn't come first in those crazy weeks. I was worrying about "food and cloths" even though God specifically says do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. (Matt. 6:25-31) God knows what He we need. We don't have to worry about them. We then get back to Matthew 6:33 where it says, seek first the kingdom of God, then the other things will fall into place.
I guess the one good thing that came from not doing my devotions and spending quiet time with my sweet Lord was that I realized how much I had changed!! Just by reading God's word and learning a bit about who He is and seeing what He's done has taught me to trust in Him and to see things through His eyes rather than my own.
I've always been bad about sticking with things, diets, exercise, you name it and I've probably quit it after about a week. I've always wanted direct results from what I was doing. Riding an exercise bike only gives you a result after a LONG time of riding! But within a few weeks I had noticed changes in my life when following after God and surrendering to His plan. And now I'm seeing just how extreme those results were! My husband even told me he had noticed quite the difference! It's awesome! And I can honestly tell you that I'm getting back into it. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with our Awesome God who is changing me into a better person! Just imagine how different I can be if I spend the rest of my life doing this! So exciting!!! Not I, but Christ within me :)
Thank you Jesus for showing me that if You are the focal point of my day, of my life, all the other pieces of my life will fall into place. Maybe things wont turn out the way I wanted them too, but by trusting in You and following You, You have taught me to trust Your will and to see that it is the best way! The fact that You are with me makes every moment of my life meaningful. I thank You for all these wonderful truths that You have been revealing to me. I love You sweet king! Amen
With love,
Abbey
So what does this have to do with the Bible and with God?.... Just something God has taught me in the last two weeks :) First let me show you a verse that goes along with the story above and then I'll tell you my story.
Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
The last two weeks of my life can be described as a dark and crazy whirlwind. I went from working two days a week to 5 and a half. I wasn't prepared and so I was freaking out about grocery shopping and cleaning and cooking etc. etc. etc. I'm one of those people that needs at least one whole day to myself to get stuff done. An hour here or there just doesn't cut it. And as stuff piles up I tend to get stressed out. With all my responsibilities begging for attention one very important aspect of my life was being put on the shelf.... My relationship with Christ. I read my Bible here and there and prayed quick little prayers, but I wasn't digging into His word like I was before. I was doing it more out of obligation than out of love and excitement. I kept telling myself, "I'll do it tomorrow!" Or "Monday will be a better day!" But like the time management teacher said, "If you don't put the big rocks in first (God) you'll never get them in later." And if you don't get the "big" rocks in everything else tends to shift and move and just go crazy!!
I noticed I was worrying about everything and trying to get it all done on my timer and through my plan. I was stressed from the moment I woke up, until the time I finally fell asleep. I was getting irritable with my husband again, and found myself getting hurt or upset about things that really didn't matter. I wanted to pick fights with people, even people at Walmart! I found myself falling back into the person I once was. Selfish, manipulative, moody, and just over all not fun to be with. I kept begging God to help me. I constantly thought to myself, "People do this all the time, I should be able to get by! Why are things so crazy?" But then as I read my Bible study and talked to a few people I realized, DUH! It's because I'm worrying so much about all the little things in life instead of focusing on God and giving Him my day to do with whatever He needed to do. God didn't come first in those crazy weeks. I was worrying about "food and cloths" even though God specifically says do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. (Matt. 6:25-31) God knows what He we need. We don't have to worry about them. We then get back to Matthew 6:33 where it says, seek first the kingdom of God, then the other things will fall into place.
I guess the one good thing that came from not doing my devotions and spending quiet time with my sweet Lord was that I realized how much I had changed!! Just by reading God's word and learning a bit about who He is and seeing what He's done has taught me to trust in Him and to see things through His eyes rather than my own.
I've always been bad about sticking with things, diets, exercise, you name it and I've probably quit it after about a week. I've always wanted direct results from what I was doing. Riding an exercise bike only gives you a result after a LONG time of riding! But within a few weeks I had noticed changes in my life when following after God and surrendering to His plan. And now I'm seeing just how extreme those results were! My husband even told me he had noticed quite the difference! It's awesome! And I can honestly tell you that I'm getting back into it. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with our Awesome God who is changing me into a better person! Just imagine how different I can be if I spend the rest of my life doing this! So exciting!!! Not I, but Christ within me :)
Thank you Jesus for showing me that if You are the focal point of my day, of my life, all the other pieces of my life will fall into place. Maybe things wont turn out the way I wanted them too, but by trusting in You and following You, You have taught me to trust Your will and to see that it is the best way! The fact that You are with me makes every moment of my life meaningful. I thank You for all these wonderful truths that You have been revealing to me. I love You sweet king! Amen
With love,
Abbey
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Passion; the antonym of Apathy
Guys, I just had an AWESOME experience!!! My heart is singing, and my hands are shaking and I just want to cry tears of Joy! What did I do? Well I went to a play silly! :)
Tonight I went to watch my bestest friend in the whole wide world in her church's Passion Play. I went into it thinking, "This will be good. It'll be fun to see how they tell the story." etc etc etc. What I didn't expect was to come away from it with an all new perspective and a heart that is literally leaping out of my chest in song!
As I watched the story unfold I really admired the guy playing Jesus. He was a talented actor and did a really good job. But what I noticed was his portrayal of Jesus was this kind, loving, smiling teacher that spoke with excitement and extreme joy. Unfortunately I've always pictured Jesus as this Very solemn and straight to the point kind of guy. My minds eye tended to forget all that stuff about Him being kind and loving. But as I watched this actor say the words that Jesus said in a all new way to me I realized, Jesus Had to have some character! People Had to like Him! Why else would ordinary people that couldn't really relate to the super serious professor type go to Him? Why would people go to Him before they even really knew who He was? I personally don't like to hang out with the super intellectual people that are too smart to smile or feel emotion... and Jesus came for ordinary people like me, not just for the people that study and study theology. Ah! It was such a freeing moment to realize Jesus Was a lovable and Wonderful man, not just based on what He did, but How He did it- with Love.
In the second Act Jesus was of course crucified. The "Roman Officers" pushed and nudged and whipped the man playing Jesus down the aisles of the church. Whoever did the makeup did an Awesome job, because not only did they smear "blood" on his back, but they made it look like he had welts rising and it just looked so real and so painful. All I could think about was, "This Really happened! They really did this to Jesus! They did this to the guy that was so smiley and so loving! They Did this to a Wonderful and innocent man!" They drug him up to the cross and nailed him to it. With each pound of the hammer you could hear his strained cries. (And to think those nails were pounded into Jesus' sweet, loving hands all because of my sin!) They then lifted up the cross and there he hung, broken, bruised and bleeding. For the first time in my life it was all so real. To physically see a portrayal of this happening opened my eyes in a way that no Sunday school drawing could ever do. I saw Jesus as a real living and breathing man, a man that was loving and gentle and just an awesome person to be around! And I saw Him murdered for my sins. God wanted me to see this. I Needed to see this. I have a new love for my Glorious Saviour. I can't wait to get to Heaven and hug Him over and over again and just thank Him for all He did for me! He is truly remarkable!
Satan lost today friends. He tried with all his might to get me to just stay home and not go to this play. He hit me with insecurity, stress, and even physical pain twice! I could feel him trying to get me to just give up and not care. He knows I believe in Christ and that he's lost that battle. But he still wants to make this life as hard as possible and make me doubt God's love. He didn't want me to see this moving play and realize just how real it all is. He wanted instead for me to just go about my life and not really care. But tonight he failed! God reigns over all! Even the devil. And to that I say, AMEN!
Tonight I went to watch my bestest friend in the whole wide world in her church's Passion Play. I went into it thinking, "This will be good. It'll be fun to see how they tell the story." etc etc etc. What I didn't expect was to come away from it with an all new perspective and a heart that is literally leaping out of my chest in song!
As I watched the story unfold I really admired the guy playing Jesus. He was a talented actor and did a really good job. But what I noticed was his portrayal of Jesus was this kind, loving, smiling teacher that spoke with excitement and extreme joy. Unfortunately I've always pictured Jesus as this Very solemn and straight to the point kind of guy. My minds eye tended to forget all that stuff about Him being kind and loving. But as I watched this actor say the words that Jesus said in a all new way to me I realized, Jesus Had to have some character! People Had to like Him! Why else would ordinary people that couldn't really relate to the super serious professor type go to Him? Why would people go to Him before they even really knew who He was? I personally don't like to hang out with the super intellectual people that are too smart to smile or feel emotion... and Jesus came for ordinary people like me, not just for the people that study and study theology. Ah! It was such a freeing moment to realize Jesus Was a lovable and Wonderful man, not just based on what He did, but How He did it- with Love.
In the second Act Jesus was of course crucified. The "Roman Officers" pushed and nudged and whipped the man playing Jesus down the aisles of the church. Whoever did the makeup did an Awesome job, because not only did they smear "blood" on his back, but they made it look like he had welts rising and it just looked so real and so painful. All I could think about was, "This Really happened! They really did this to Jesus! They did this to the guy that was so smiley and so loving! They Did this to a Wonderful and innocent man!" They drug him up to the cross and nailed him to it. With each pound of the hammer you could hear his strained cries. (And to think those nails were pounded into Jesus' sweet, loving hands all because of my sin!) They then lifted up the cross and there he hung, broken, bruised and bleeding. For the first time in my life it was all so real. To physically see a portrayal of this happening opened my eyes in a way that no Sunday school drawing could ever do. I saw Jesus as a real living and breathing man, a man that was loving and gentle and just an awesome person to be around! And I saw Him murdered for my sins. God wanted me to see this. I Needed to see this. I have a new love for my Glorious Saviour. I can't wait to get to Heaven and hug Him over and over again and just thank Him for all He did for me! He is truly remarkable!
Satan lost today friends. He tried with all his might to get me to just stay home and not go to this play. He hit me with insecurity, stress, and even physical pain twice! I could feel him trying to get me to just give up and not care. He knows I believe in Christ and that he's lost that battle. But he still wants to make this life as hard as possible and make me doubt God's love. He didn't want me to see this moving play and realize just how real it all is. He wanted instead for me to just go about my life and not really care. But tonight he failed! God reigns over all! Even the devil. And to that I say, AMEN!
Friday, April 1, 2011
It's another Hallelujah Friday People!!!
I love how Friday's are becoming my "AH HA!" days :) I rejoice in the fact that God has turned my dreary depressing Friday's into Hallelujah Fridays! He's literally turned my frown upside down :)
Well today is another Hallelujah Friday! God has once again shown me something that is worth singing about... but since I don't have a record deal or anything close I'll just blog about it :) :)
Today started out crappy. I woke up late for my once a month job, it was cloudy, and I just wasn't feeling like doing anything! Argh I hate moods like that! After my job I got home I ate some lunch, did pointless things like Facebook stalk my friends etc. etc. etc. (See I'm still learning to seek God for happiness instead of other things. So there, I'm not perfect and I don't always learn my lesson the first (or 500th) time.) Finally I decided enough was enough with this mood. I realized it was time to just dig into the word. I got a new Bible study called "Having a Mary heart, in a Martha World." Though I don't consider myself especially serving like Martha, I do consider myself being too "busy" for God. I felt that this was the exact study that God wanted me to do... and I was right. God pointed out something very special to me today, my personal relationship with Him. I have been struggling with it for the past week or so. I wanted a personal relationship with God SO Bad and I wanted to be able to just focus and pray to Him all the time, but I didn't know how. (That was the main reason for me picking up this Bible study.) But once again God didn't give me the answers I was necessarily looking for, instead He showed me what I needed to see.
In her book "Having a heart like Mary in a Martha world," Joanna Weaver said,
Jesus invites us to come and rest, to spend time with Him in this incredible intimacy. Intimacy that allows us to be honest in our complaints, bold in our approach, and lavish in our love. Intimacy that allows us to hear our Father's voice and discern our Father's will. Intimacy that so fills us with His love and His nature that it spills out to our dry world in service. It all begins down at His feet.
As I read this I got a tingly feeling and thought, "YES! This is exactly what I want!!!.... Now how do I get that exactly?" I love what she says at the end, "It all begins down at His feet." This is where my Ah Ha moment comes in. You see I kept thinking that a personal relationship with Jesus was all up to how much I did. That I had to be the one that kept talking. I would kick myself every time I realized I hadn't prayed that day, or I would tell myself I needed to talk to God more about how my day is going. Don't get me wrong I still totally think we need to pray to God constantly and talk to Him openly. I recently read a book by Beth Moore called "Jesus, the One and Only." She said something that I absolutely loved, something to the effect of yes Jesus knows exactly what's going on in your life, but He still wants to hear you talk about it. Whether you're excited about something that happened to you or upset about something you did, Jesus wants to have a real relationship with you , not a stale "thank you for the sunshine, thanks for the flowers, oh and by the way I need a scholarship if I'm going to get into college. Amen." He wants to hear about your life and day, and He wants you to ask Him for things!
But what God has shown me today is that a relationship with Christ really starts with me bowing my knees and sitting at His feet to LEARN! It's not all about me. As I journaled my feelings about what I had just read I wrote this down, Learning from God+ Trust= a relationship and intimacy. It starts with God, not with me. If I sit down at His feet and learn from Him I will then gain this awesome intimacy that allows me to hear His voice and to start seeing His will more clearly, that will help me SO much in my prayer life and in my side of the relationship!!
What God has taught me today in a nut shell, A Real, intimate relationship with our loving Father starts with Him, not us. His word is to be the foundation of the relationship, not my complaints or praises, though those are Very important too! I wish I was better at words and could just express to you how I feel about all this! It's so amazing, and so Freeing to know that it's not just up to me to keep this relationship going, Jesus wants it too! He's not like some friends who drift away if you don't talk to them for a little bit. Instead He is always there, waiting for you to sit at His feet and listen. And after you listen, He wants nothing more than for you to respond and tell Him what's going on in your life :) We serve an Awesome God!
With Love,
Abbey
Well today is another Hallelujah Friday! God has once again shown me something that is worth singing about... but since I don't have a record deal or anything close I'll just blog about it :) :)
Today started out crappy. I woke up late for my once a month job, it was cloudy, and I just wasn't feeling like doing anything! Argh I hate moods like that! After my job I got home I ate some lunch, did pointless things like Facebook stalk my friends etc. etc. etc. (See I'm still learning to seek God for happiness instead of other things. So there, I'm not perfect and I don't always learn my lesson the first (or 500th) time.) Finally I decided enough was enough with this mood. I realized it was time to just dig into the word. I got a new Bible study called "Having a Mary heart, in a Martha World." Though I don't consider myself especially serving like Martha, I do consider myself being too "busy" for God. I felt that this was the exact study that God wanted me to do... and I was right. God pointed out something very special to me today, my personal relationship with Him. I have been struggling with it for the past week or so. I wanted a personal relationship with God SO Bad and I wanted to be able to just focus and pray to Him all the time, but I didn't know how. (That was the main reason for me picking up this Bible study.) But once again God didn't give me the answers I was necessarily looking for, instead He showed me what I needed to see.
In her book "Having a heart like Mary in a Martha world," Joanna Weaver said,
Jesus invites us to come and rest, to spend time with Him in this incredible intimacy. Intimacy that allows us to be honest in our complaints, bold in our approach, and lavish in our love. Intimacy that allows us to hear our Father's voice and discern our Father's will. Intimacy that so fills us with His love and His nature that it spills out to our dry world in service. It all begins down at His feet.
As I read this I got a tingly feeling and thought, "YES! This is exactly what I want!!!.... Now how do I get that exactly?" I love what she says at the end, "It all begins down at His feet." This is where my Ah Ha moment comes in. You see I kept thinking that a personal relationship with Jesus was all up to how much I did. That I had to be the one that kept talking. I would kick myself every time I realized I hadn't prayed that day, or I would tell myself I needed to talk to God more about how my day is going. Don't get me wrong I still totally think we need to pray to God constantly and talk to Him openly. I recently read a book by Beth Moore called "Jesus, the One and Only." She said something that I absolutely loved, something to the effect of yes Jesus knows exactly what's going on in your life, but He still wants to hear you talk about it. Whether you're excited about something that happened to you or upset about something you did, Jesus wants to have a real relationship with you , not a stale "thank you for the sunshine, thanks for the flowers, oh and by the way I need a scholarship if I'm going to get into college. Amen." He wants to hear about your life and day, and He wants you to ask Him for things!
But what God has shown me today is that a relationship with Christ really starts with me bowing my knees and sitting at His feet to LEARN! It's not all about me. As I journaled my feelings about what I had just read I wrote this down, Learning from God+ Trust= a relationship and intimacy. It starts with God, not with me. If I sit down at His feet and learn from Him I will then gain this awesome intimacy that allows me to hear His voice and to start seeing His will more clearly, that will help me SO much in my prayer life and in my side of the relationship!!
What God has taught me today in a nut shell, A Real, intimate relationship with our loving Father starts with Him, not us. His word is to be the foundation of the relationship, not my complaints or praises, though those are Very important too! I wish I was better at words and could just express to you how I feel about all this! It's so amazing, and so Freeing to know that it's not just up to me to keep this relationship going, Jesus wants it too! He's not like some friends who drift away if you don't talk to them for a little bit. Instead He is always there, waiting for you to sit at His feet and listen. And after you listen, He wants nothing more than for you to respond and tell Him what's going on in your life :) We serve an Awesome God!
With Love,
Abbey
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