Wow it has been a while! I wish I could say I've been so busy in God's word that I haven't even had a moment to breathe let alone blog!!! But alas my confession is that I went through a rough patch. A VERY rough patch. It has been as though God finally decided to get me off my spiritual high and see how I do when life really gets in the way. I feel like I failed... I was angry through out most of Christmas,missing my mom and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I didn't spend much time praying or digging into God's word, and I honestly believe that is what caused my foul mood.
For Christmas my wonderful mother and father-in law got me a beautiful leather journal. It was a bit pricey so I didn't really expect anyone to get it for me. When I opened it on Christmas morning I knew right then and there that such a lovely journal would be Perfect for my prayers. Looking back over my first week of prayers I noticed a lot of "Lord, I just can't wait for spring because that is when my heart finally turned to you last year!" or "God, I need to feel your Joy and warmth... please bring me to you!" But all the while I negelected to get into God's word. I expected God to hand me Joy on a silver platter. Now sometimes He does do that... in fact last spring He just gave it to me without me even asking, but that was before I was a Christian and He knew that, that was what I needed then. Not now. Now He wants me to grow and give up my time to Him. It's sort of like Job. Job had a great life and everything was going well, so of course He praised God... but how would He do if things started to crumble all around him? Now I don't see myself as blameless or as Godly as Job was... but I think we can all take something away from his story. God wants us to lean, dwell, and trust in Him all the time. Whether it's through the hard times or the really good times.
If you've been following this blog at all, or even if you just bounced around through a few posts, I'm sure you've noticed this seems to be common problem for me. I either do Really good about getting in God's word and living for Him, or I do absolutely horrible! I can't seem to find a middle ground. For the longest time I didn't want to admit that to anyone. I wanted people to think I was constantly connected to God... again with my pride!! But now that I think about it I realize it's a process. And not a process that lasts a few months and then BING perfect! No it's a process that will last a life time. The only place where we will have perfect balance between life and worship is Heaven. I will never be perfect here on earth, and that's not an excuse to get me out of trouble, it's a fact of life. But that also doesn't mean that I should just give up and only look forward to Heaven. God has shown me way too much for me to believe that while we're here on this earth we should just do as we like and we can save the changing and worshiping for Heaven. God wants to bless us now. God is ready for me to change, Now. And He will show which area He wants to change when HE wants to change it.
I have been bombarded with the fact that this is ALL about God and His glory.. maybe that will be my next post :) Every where you look there is God. He has a purpose, a Will, a plan. I need to be opened minded and hearted so that I may be ready to be a part of that plan.
One final thought "1 My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you,
2 making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, 4 if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures,
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God." Proverbs 2:1-5
Digging into God's word is SO important! It is an amazing way that God speaks to us. May our ears be attentive and our hearts inclined! God is ready to reveal His plan to us, whether He wants to show us the big picture or it's day by day. I want to get back in loop :) I am ready to lean on God and ask Him "What would you have me do today? How might I bring you glory?" Are you?