Yesterday at Church we had a celebration service which included baptisms. As I sat listening to the testimonies I couldn't get over how no one could quite explain how their life had changed. They obviously had become better people... but they just couldn't put into words the inward change that resulted in Joy and Peace. I love it! I love that God gives us something SO amazing that we can hardly explain it! Later in the afternoon I went on a walk with a new friend and we started talking a little bit about how we came to really love Christ and I could not truly explain all that went down and how my life miraculously changed. But I have felt the desire to share my testimony here for quite a while... so though I have a small vocabulary and my writing technique isn't quite the best, I am going to do it! May God be glorified through my story and stir the hearts that are sitting on the fence or completely on the other side.
Like many people from around here (small town Central IL) I grew up in a loving Christian family. We went to church every Sunday, my older sisters attended youth group and I attended AWANA and VBS. Most of my friends growing up were church friends. Living in a generally "Christian" town I was constantly bombarded by Bible stories or moral lessons. You would think this would be the end of my story. I was in love with Jesus from the moment I was able to understand who He was... unfortunately that's not how it happened. Though my family was amazing and loving we were all still human. There were times where fights broke out and stony silence took over the house. During these times I would get SO angry with God. My life would be all rainbows and sunshine and then do a complete 180. I couldn't understand how there was a loving God that was in control of all of this. It seemed like such a lie. However, at the age of 7 I "gave my life to Christ." In all honesty I wanted my dad to say a prayer at dinner time so that everyone focused on me the rest of the night. It was all about the attention I would get and nothing about knowing what Jesus had done for me. The next ten years is pretty much a blur of living for myself. There would be times where I would think about God and at least some what realize I needed Him... but that feeling went away as soon as the T.V. came on or a friend called. I just really didn't care. Sure I thought God was awesome when life was going good. But I still didn't care enough to thank Him or get to know Him. But as soon as the tables turned and something went south I was very quick to let Him know exactly how I felt. I remember running into my room when things went bad and considering throwing my Bible right through the glass of my window, That would show God!!! I even wrote in my journal once that I saw God as a bored and cruel creator that made us just so He could toy around with us. I said that my family's suffering was His favorite day time Soap Opera. I lived like that for so long. Then when I turned 17 I attended a youth group type deal called the cabin (It was literally held in a cabin for those of you asking why) The speaker one night talked about Jesus and what He had done for us. He explained to us that we were all sinners and all destined for hell unless we accepted Christ. That night I realized I was not a Christian. Once again I "gave my heart to Christ." I say it that way because I really don't know if I did. I told people I did for years.. but really I still didn't do it because I loved Christ but simply because I wanted life to get better. I didn't read my bible or get into prayer or anything. There was no fruit in my life to prove that I had truly accepted Christ. Later on that year I met my husband and started dating him. This is horrible to admit but I started acting like a good little Christian because I knew my dad didn't think I was ready to seriously start a relationship with a guy. So I lived out a lie for at least 2 years just to get my way. I started going to Harvest Bible chapel with Jason and really enjoyed it. I became a Sunday Christian. I loved church and getting to know more, but once Monday came I just wanted to be lazy and have fun. Oh sure when people asked I told them I was a Christian and I stuck to my moral opinions. I never went out and partied or did drugs or anything like that. But I did that to save face, not because I knew it was what God wanted.
On July 16th 2010 I married my sweet hubby. That poor poor man! Within the first week of our marriage I was crabby and oh so selfish. For the next few months I manipulated and whined to get what I wanted. If he didn't hang out with me the minute he got in the door I cried and cried. I'm so embarrassed by this! But I started realizing I was putting all my hope into my husband who is a sinful and selfish human being just like the rest of us! I could feel that something just wasn't right. But again I tried fixing it by getting a job or watching T.V. or just staying busy. Nothing seemed to work. I was interested in God but I just didn't want to take the time to get to know Him (story of my life) Through out all of this my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia and was getting sicker and sicker. About two years prior she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had complications from chemo. God intervened there and miraculously healed her. But this time things were just looking complicated. For once I wasn't angry with God but I was just confused. How could He allow one of His miracles to get sick again? I just didn't understand... and still don't.
Suddenly in January of this year I got a real hunger to get into God's word. I started with Romans and couldn't put it down. I would read a chapter in my NLT bible, underline verses and then look them up in my ESV and NKJ. This is something I have never done. I kept a journal on what I was learning and felt it changing my heart. Here I get to the point where I just can't explain it. All I can say is it was not me at all, God melted my heart and stirred a desire in me. And man did He have perfect timing!
On February 8th my sweet wonderful Momma passed away. My normal human self would have ran to my bedroom and blamed God for all of my pain. I would have shouted at Him and told Him I hated Him....but God had changed me. Instead I felt such peace knowing that my Mom was with Him and wasn't having to deal with anymore Dr.s or pain. I believed the promises He gave me. His word is full of promises and evidence that He has kept them! I miss my mom SO much, but I can't get passed the grace that God showed all of us. This winter was my turning point. I am not who I once was. There are times where I want to fall back into my lazy apathetic state, but God tugs on my heart and I actually listen and respond. Only by His grace and power. I can easily tell you that I have changed so much on the outside. I don't get upset with Jay nearly as much, I am able to give up a little more control in each situation, I'm less anxious, I don't fall into anger as easily, and I am happy. But these things don't even begin to express that change that has gone on inside of me. There is so much Joy and Fire for my Lord. I trust and love Him. I have put Him in control of (most) of my life. I still struggle with that one. God is teaching me so many wonderful things! There are times when I don't want to die simply because I love the mystery of it all and love seeing God through His creation. But most times I'm so excited to see my creator. UGH! I wish we had the words to describe this amazing feeling and life changing experience! Every time I try to tell someone about this I try to figure out what I did to finally change. Did I pray for God to help me? Did i finally figure out a good way to read the Bible? What finally did it for me? For some reason I keep thinking it had to have been something I did. But I didn't find a formula for reading my bible and praying. It had absolutely nothing to do with me. God just did it. He just made it happen. He could feel my heart softening towards Him. He knew I was on the fence leaning over towards His side. He knew I needed a bit of prodding and encouragement. It's about God's timing and who He is! Just ask Him to show you who He is. Let Him take control. He'll amaze you!
With Love,
Abbey
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
1st John 1:3
When the Holy Spirit speaks, He speaks directly to your heart. This is something that I'm continously learning. The Holy Spirit uses everyday situations, people in our lives, and of course God's word to teach us a little something about what it means to be Christ like and obedient.
On Monday I was really struggling with a sin that has always been my down fall, judgement against my brothers and sisters in Christ. I would get on Facebook and notice a certain persons post on one of their friends walls that does not glorify God... Or a certain group of people REALLY seem to be way off on what Christianity is all about and Seem to be people centered and not Christ centered Oh Satan loves it when people do this! He uses it to his advntage to get me going! It makes me so angry! And though I may be right in being upset about it, I'm not upset for the right reasons. I get mad because I think "here I am doing all I can to spread God's love etc. and this person is acting like a complete fool! They're making Christian's look like complete hypocrites!" or "Seriously you guys look just like the world! Get your act together! Sheesh, no wonder people think Christians are wrong!"..... My thoughts are all wraped up in how it makes me look when a Christian isn't looking good on the outside. How screwed up is that?
1. It's not about me
2. God sees my sin on the inside and my sin is the same as Joe Shmo's sin even if his is more apparent on the outside.
This week I started a Bible study with some very sweet girls and we are digging into 1st John one verse at a time. So remember, on Monday I was really struggling with judging people. I didn't think they were good enough to be called Christians and I honestly wouldn't have wanted to hang out with them or do life with them.
On Tues. our verse was 1st John 1:3 "That which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you , so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ."
Now I realize that not everyone will get what I got from this but I felt a very real tugging from the Holy Spirit when I read this. He was telling me "Where does it say that we have fellowship based on if our oppinions always line up or only if we struggle with the same "Socially acceptable" sins?" Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of "Christians" out there that are not right with God and really don't have their heart in the right place. I do believe that if someone is a true follower of Christ there will be fruit in their life... but I also realize that people get in ruts or even stray from time to time. I was simply judging based on comments etc. I wasn't judging based on complete understanding of this person or group. Fellowship starts with our belief in Christ. Whether I like it or not some of the people I judge and get annoyed with really Are in His family! It is through Christ that we are bound together, not our good works or right sounding opinions. Instead of judging these fellow brothers and sisters I should be getting to know them and reaching out. May we have true fellowship with all who believe in Christ!
On Monday I was really struggling with a sin that has always been my down fall, judgement against my brothers and sisters in Christ. I would get on Facebook and notice a certain persons post on one of their friends walls that does not glorify God... Or a certain group of people REALLY seem to be way off on what Christianity is all about and Seem to be people centered and not Christ centered Oh Satan loves it when people do this! He uses it to his advntage to get me going! It makes me so angry! And though I may be right in being upset about it, I'm not upset for the right reasons. I get mad because I think "here I am doing all I can to spread God's love etc. and this person is acting like a complete fool! They're making Christian's look like complete hypocrites!" or "Seriously you guys look just like the world! Get your act together! Sheesh, no wonder people think Christians are wrong!"..... My thoughts are all wraped up in how it makes me look when a Christian isn't looking good on the outside. How screwed up is that?
1. It's not about me
2. God sees my sin on the inside and my sin is the same as Joe Shmo's sin even if his is more apparent on the outside.
This week I started a Bible study with some very sweet girls and we are digging into 1st John one verse at a time. So remember, on Monday I was really struggling with judging people. I didn't think they were good enough to be called Christians and I honestly wouldn't have wanted to hang out with them or do life with them.
On Tues. our verse was 1st John 1:3 "That which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you , so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ."
Now I realize that not everyone will get what I got from this but I felt a very real tugging from the Holy Spirit when I read this. He was telling me "Where does it say that we have fellowship based on if our oppinions always line up or only if we struggle with the same "Socially acceptable" sins?" Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of "Christians" out there that are not right with God and really don't have their heart in the right place. I do believe that if someone is a true follower of Christ there will be fruit in their life... but I also realize that people get in ruts or even stray from time to time. I was simply judging based on comments etc. I wasn't judging based on complete understanding of this person or group. Fellowship starts with our belief in Christ. Whether I like it or not some of the people I judge and get annoyed with really Are in His family! It is through Christ that we are bound together, not our good works or right sounding opinions. Instead of judging these fellow brothers and sisters I should be getting to know them and reaching out. May we have true fellowship with all who believe in Christ!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Life Training
"He just doesn't get it! I tell him "NO" when he's chewing on electrical cords, or if he's peeing on the carpet!"
Yes this is an excerpt from yet another "Venting hour with Abbey." I suppose I should give you a bit of background before continuing.... About a week and a half ago my wonderful husband and I picked up a tiny Beagle puppy. I was SOOO excited! I've wanted a dog my whole life and was finally getting to have one. Now I knew it would be a lot of work and take lots of responsibility, but I was ready for that!... or so I thought. He really is a great dog, but I just can't seem to make him understand certain things.
"All the books I have read and the people I have talked to make it sound so easy! "Oh he'll figure out what no means pretty fast!" Ya right! He doesn't even jump or move when I shout no!"
As I was whinning and crying to my husband these words popped out of my mouth,
"If he just knew that me telling him no and taking away stuff he wanted to play with was for his benefit I'm sure he'd get it! If he just knew that I didn't let him chew on the electrical cords because they'd hurt him I'm sure he'd run straight into my arms!"
Suddenly I stopped talking, I heard the faintess voice saying, "Now you get it."
For years I have questioned God as to why He allows uncomfortable and even painful things into my life. Why doesn't He let me have the things I want? I felt like bad things kept happening or doors kept closing and I just didn't know why! Life would be going great and then BAM! something bad happened! I never realized that maybe that was God's way of turning me around or getting me onto a different path. It wasn't always punishment but just a prodding.
I realize my puppy doesn't understand that cords are bad for him... just like I may not realize that what I'm doing is bad or throwing me off. But I still have to say "NO!" and pick him up and move him. He always looks at me with those sad eyes as if to say "Why did you ruin my play time? You make my life miserable!" But I tell him "Oh Copper, if you only knew the good things I have in store for you, you wouldn't want those dangerous cords!"
God is like that, He knows the plans He has for us. And those plans surpass anything we could ever imagine! Especially since the end result is eternal life with Him! He's just picking me up and setting me down away from the "cords" even if I don't like it.
Thankfully God does it completely out of love and He's fully just and doesn't punish us simply out of emotional anger and hurt... Sometimes I get a little angry at old Copper. I'm learning a lot about Grace and how amazing our God truly is. Funny how a puppy can show you all of this ;) God's knows how to make a lesson really stick. He knows us SO well and knows exactly how we'll react to situations. I guess that's why He's God, He knows the beginning and the end... and everything in between.
Love,
Abbey
Yes this is an excerpt from yet another "Venting hour with Abbey." I suppose I should give you a bit of background before continuing.... About a week and a half ago my wonderful husband and I picked up a tiny Beagle puppy. I was SOOO excited! I've wanted a dog my whole life and was finally getting to have one. Now I knew it would be a lot of work and take lots of responsibility, but I was ready for that!... or so I thought. He really is a great dog, but I just can't seem to make him understand certain things.
"All the books I have read and the people I have talked to make it sound so easy! "Oh he'll figure out what no means pretty fast!" Ya right! He doesn't even jump or move when I shout no!"
As I was whinning and crying to my husband these words popped out of my mouth,
"If he just knew that me telling him no and taking away stuff he wanted to play with was for his benefit I'm sure he'd get it! If he just knew that I didn't let him chew on the electrical cords because they'd hurt him I'm sure he'd run straight into my arms!"
Suddenly I stopped talking, I heard the faintess voice saying, "Now you get it."
For years I have questioned God as to why He allows uncomfortable and even painful things into my life. Why doesn't He let me have the things I want? I felt like bad things kept happening or doors kept closing and I just didn't know why! Life would be going great and then BAM! something bad happened! I never realized that maybe that was God's way of turning me around or getting me onto a different path. It wasn't always punishment but just a prodding.
I realize my puppy doesn't understand that cords are bad for him... just like I may not realize that what I'm doing is bad or throwing me off. But I still have to say "NO!" and pick him up and move him. He always looks at me with those sad eyes as if to say "Why did you ruin my play time? You make my life miserable!" But I tell him "Oh Copper, if you only knew the good things I have in store for you, you wouldn't want those dangerous cords!"
God is like that, He knows the plans He has for us. And those plans surpass anything we could ever imagine! Especially since the end result is eternal life with Him! He's just picking me up and setting me down away from the "cords" even if I don't like it.
Thankfully God does it completely out of love and He's fully just and doesn't punish us simply out of emotional anger and hurt... Sometimes I get a little angry at old Copper. I'm learning a lot about Grace and how amazing our God truly is. Funny how a puppy can show you all of this ;) God's knows how to make a lesson really stick. He knows us SO well and knows exactly how we'll react to situations. I guess that's why He's God, He knows the beginning and the end... and everything in between.
Love,
Abbey
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Cleaning Day with Jesus (Romans 8)
Knock, Knock, Knock, "House keeping!"
Well that's odd, I don't have a house keeper! I guess I'll look out to see who it.... "Jesus! What are you doing here?"
"As I said, "House keeping! I want to go through all the dusty nooks and crannies of your heart! Lets get it all cleaned up in there!"
"Well ok! Help is Always appreciated when it comes to cleaning!"
"Lets start with this closet. There's a sign above it, it says "Things that make me happy.""
"Ok sounds good to me. Oh hey look! Here's that T.V. show I watch for mindless entertainment!"
"Do you really need that?"
"Well no.... but it gives me something to do when I'm bored and lazy."
"You don't think you could find something better to do with your time? Like pray or read your Bible or at the very least watch a cleaner more appropriate show?"
"Hmm.. I suppose you're right, ok lets TOSS IT!"
"That's my girl! What else is in here? Oh well would you look at this! Selfishness!"
"What!? Why is that in there? You know what, just get rid of that! That doesn't make me happy!"
"Good idea!"
"Although...... selfishness has made it so I can get what I want, and that always makes me feel better. I mean selfishness has taught me how to lie and manipulate to get my way.... Oh I don't know! That one's pretty hard to get rid of. We go way back selfishness and I!"
"Let me ask you something, does it really make you joyful, or just happy from time to time?"
"Um happy I suppose..."
"Does it make you feel good most of the time, or guilty most of the time?"
"Guilty."
"Does it bring you closer to Me or closer to your "all about me" mentality?"
"All about me.... ok, ok I get the point! Selfishness isn't worth holding on to! It may make me happy from time to time but ultimately it makes me miserable and turned away from You. TOSS IT!!!"
"Wonderful!"
"What is this doing in here?"
"What?"
"Anger! Who would put anger in their "Things that make me happy" closet?"
"Go ahead and TOSS IT!"
"Right!....... Although...."
"Yes?"
"It's just, well, you know... sometimes anger does make me feel kind of good. It makes me feel like others just have problems. Plus anger helps me get what I want when I want it!"
"But doesn't that lead back to selfishness?"
"I suppose."
"And didn't we just get rid of that?"
"ya..."
"Why would you want to hold onto something that tempts you into yet another sin?"
"I don't know. It gives me a rush and a sense of control!"
"Control? Over what? Do you feel like you're in control of your emotions if you're red with anger? And when you hold onto your anger do the situations really play out in your favor?"
"Sometimes! Sometimes I can make people do what needs to be done by showing them I'm angry!"
"Does that make you feel happy or guilty in the end?"
"Honestly a bit of both."
"Which do you dwell on more, the happiness or the guilt?"
"The guilt."
"So is anger worth it? Does it bring you joy? Does it bring you closer to me?"
"You already know that answer to all those questions, Jesus."
"Yes but I want you to admit to it and acknowledge what this "feel good sin" is really doing to you."
"Ok. No. Anger is not worth it, it does not bring me true Joy, and it definitely does not bring me closer to you. Wow this house cleaning stuff is hard!"
"It's never easy to get rid of what you think makes your life better. That's why I'm here to shed light on it and to show you how these things really aren't as wonderful and rewarding as you think! So, what are we going to do with Anger?"
"TOSS IT!!! Wow this closet is looking pretty empty! It's kind of sad actually."
"Don't worry! I'll fill it up with Love, Joy, Faith and So much more! Infact this closet may not be big enough for all the things that I can give you! We may have to build you a whole room! And the best part is the things that I give you will not only bring you happiness but Joy, true unending Joy! Now onto the "Grudges" corner!"
Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life[d] because of righteousness.
Romans 8: 5-10
Well that's odd, I don't have a house keeper! I guess I'll look out to see who it.... "Jesus! What are you doing here?"
"As I said, "House keeping! I want to go through all the dusty nooks and crannies of your heart! Lets get it all cleaned up in there!"
"Well ok! Help is Always appreciated when it comes to cleaning!"
"Lets start with this closet. There's a sign above it, it says "Things that make me happy.""
"Ok sounds good to me. Oh hey look! Here's that T.V. show I watch for mindless entertainment!"
"Do you really need that?"
"Well no.... but it gives me something to do when I'm bored and lazy."
"You don't think you could find something better to do with your time? Like pray or read your Bible or at the very least watch a cleaner more appropriate show?"
"Hmm.. I suppose you're right, ok lets TOSS IT!"
"That's my girl! What else is in here? Oh well would you look at this! Selfishness!"
"What!? Why is that in there? You know what, just get rid of that! That doesn't make me happy!"
"Good idea!"
"Although...... selfishness has made it so I can get what I want, and that always makes me feel better. I mean selfishness has taught me how to lie and manipulate to get my way.... Oh I don't know! That one's pretty hard to get rid of. We go way back selfishness and I!"
"Let me ask you something, does it really make you joyful, or just happy from time to time?"
"Um happy I suppose..."
"Does it make you feel good most of the time, or guilty most of the time?"
"Guilty."
"Does it bring you closer to Me or closer to your "all about me" mentality?"
"All about me.... ok, ok I get the point! Selfishness isn't worth holding on to! It may make me happy from time to time but ultimately it makes me miserable and turned away from You. TOSS IT!!!"
"Wonderful!"
"What is this doing in here?"
"What?"
"Anger! Who would put anger in their "Things that make me happy" closet?"
"Go ahead and TOSS IT!"
"Right!....... Although...."
"Yes?"
"It's just, well, you know... sometimes anger does make me feel kind of good. It makes me feel like others just have problems. Plus anger helps me get what I want when I want it!"
"But doesn't that lead back to selfishness?"
"I suppose."
"And didn't we just get rid of that?"
"ya..."
"Why would you want to hold onto something that tempts you into yet another sin?"
"I don't know. It gives me a rush and a sense of control!"
"Control? Over what? Do you feel like you're in control of your emotions if you're red with anger? And when you hold onto your anger do the situations really play out in your favor?"
"Sometimes! Sometimes I can make people do what needs to be done by showing them I'm angry!"
"Does that make you feel happy or guilty in the end?"
"Honestly a bit of both."
"Which do you dwell on more, the happiness or the guilt?"
"The guilt."
"So is anger worth it? Does it bring you joy? Does it bring you closer to me?"
"You already know that answer to all those questions, Jesus."
"Yes but I want you to admit to it and acknowledge what this "feel good sin" is really doing to you."
"Ok. No. Anger is not worth it, it does not bring me true Joy, and it definitely does not bring me closer to you. Wow this house cleaning stuff is hard!"
"It's never easy to get rid of what you think makes your life better. That's why I'm here to shed light on it and to show you how these things really aren't as wonderful and rewarding as you think! So, what are we going to do with Anger?"
"TOSS IT!!! Wow this closet is looking pretty empty! It's kind of sad actually."
"Don't worry! I'll fill it up with Love, Joy, Faith and So much more! Infact this closet may not be big enough for all the things that I can give you! We may have to build you a whole room! And the best part is the things that I give you will not only bring you happiness but Joy, true unending Joy! Now onto the "Grudges" corner!"
Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life[d] because of righteousness.
Romans 8: 5-10
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Rediscover You
I think the misconception of So many new Christians is that the burning passionate feeling that you get when you first discover God will last forever. For me it didn't matter how many times someone told me it wouldn't always be that way, I thought nothing would ever change!I thought that if the passion went away then I obviously was doing something wrong. But then life happened. No, not horrible life tragedies or crazy financial ruin... boring everyday life. I've been distracted by getting up everyday and having to clean or go to work. Have you heard this all before from me? Maybe that's because life is constantly going on and I'm in constant struggle to put God above it all. The Christian walk is a tough and narrow path. It's not for the weak of heart! It's not always fun and it most certainly is not always crazy exciting! Sometimes God is hitting you with amazing blessings and answers and making you smile from ear to ear even when it rains... and then there are days when you feel like nothing is happening. For me these mundane days are what really test my faith, and let me tell you I am way better for it! :) I wanted to share a song with you tonight that has really hit home for me. You see, even though I know that even though my fire has burned down a bit I know I'm still saved and that God and I are still bound in a relationship. But that doesn't mean I don't want to burst into flames for Him again! This song has sort of become my own personal prayer to our Heavenly Father. I love the part where they say "Bring me back to life like only you can do!" It's so true! With out Christ we are nothing and we aren't going to get any where! Glory be to God for His Love!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Creating a Masterpiece
I love art. I love the thrill I get when I suddenly have a great idea for a painting, and I absolutely LOVE the feeling of satisfaction when it turns out just the way I wanted it to!
When I start a new painting I know exactly how I want it to look. I have the lay out and color shemes all mapped out in my mind. I have a plan long before I have a painting. To start I begin sketching my design on the canvas.....
When I start a new painting I know exactly how I want it to look. I have the lay out and color shemes all mapped out in my mind. I have a plan long before I have a painting. To start I begin sketching my design on the canvas.....
Oops, get out of my straight line you silly curve! *Erase*
Uh uh, nope! You Mr. circle are meant to be over here.
I suppose if a canvas could talk it would say "Hey! Ouch! Did you REALLY need to erase that line? WHOA! AGAIN? This is too painful! Just leave me the way I am thank you very much!" But, when the lines and shapes all go together the way I planned and designed them to be, the painting looks amazing! It's just what I wanted! It makes me happy, excited, Proud. People look at that painting and say, "Wow, it's clear you put time into that!" or "How did you come up with that idea?" They don't say, "That painting did a good job painting itself!" My paintings point to me, the creator. They show my creativeness, skill effort, and love of art. If I allowed that painting to design and create itself it would be blank or messy at best. No, only by allowing the artist to do the work can a real masterpiece appear.
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10
Funny how God's lessons show up everywhere eh?
Much love,
Abbey
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Taking the, Not so good, leap
Have you ever had one of those days where EVERYTHING is against you? I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. In my mind everyone was against me. My husband, the alarm clock, the stupid hot water in the shower that made my sunburned skin sting. Everything and everyone was making me want to cry. I wanted to shake my fist at God and say, "Hey! I want an easy nice day ok? I'm tired and I just want everything my way please! Make it better!"
In church we sang a lot of songs that said in one way or another that God is with us in the good times and the bad times. In my minds eye I saw myself on top of a really high mountain, and then all of a sudden I jumped! Why would I do that!!?? I hate heights and, well, jumping off the top of a mountain is pretty stupid. Next thing I saw was God swooping in and catching me. "Oh good!" I thought, "He'll save me and take me back up to the top!" But it wasn't to be. He saved me alright, but instead of taking me right back to the top He gently flew me down to the bottom and cradled me on impact. I didn't die.
"Wait!" I could almost hear myself cry, "I don't want to be left here at the bottom, it's no fun here! I don't want to have to climb back to the top by myself it's too hard!" And God took my hand and said, "Who said anything about climbing alone?"
Through out the service and the day I've gone back over that mental image. First, why did I jump? I honestly believe that God was showing me that today's storm or trial was more or less my own fault. I wanted to hold on to my anger and bitterness because it made me feel like a victim and made me feel like as the victim I deserved to be lifted up and comforted. It made me feel like I deserved more than I really did. But in all honesty all it was doing was making me more and more upset and pushing me closer to the edge until I just couldn't take it anymore and had to just jump so that I could say "SEE GOD! I'm at the bottom! This is what happens when I don't get the love and compassion that I need!" Often times I go through struggles that are true storms, such as losing my mom. Those struggles are more like a fall. But even more often I run head long into those storms just to get some sympathy, it is then that I jump to my doom.
However, God caught me and gently flew me to the bottom. He didn't raise me up and comfort me like I thought He would. Life is tough. We go through struggles. It's as simple as that. I wish I had an exact answer as to why God lets trials in to our lives, but I don't. I know that for myself God allows me to struggle so that I actually see Him working in my life and so I become humble before Him and His awesome power. In fact this morning as the hot shower water made me swear I begged God to show me a way to become humble today. I wanted Him to show me something that would really get to me... and He did :) Today's struggle was my own fault and I feel like I can hear God saying to me as He lands at the bottom with me in His arms, "Abbey, this is what you wanted. You wanted to be at the bottom and be a victim. And because I know it's what's best for you, I'm going to allow it. I know you'll learn from this experience."
"BUT GOD! I don't Really want to be at the bottom! I mean, look at how high a climb that is to the top! MAN!"
"Let me help you Abbey. I will be with you in trouble, and I will deliver you"
And so God and I went hand in hand up that crazy mountain. The climb is tough and not exactly fun, but it's drawing me closer to my King and showing me what a Loving and Powerful King He is!
God never leaves us. Not when we're having such a good time that we barely pay attention to Him, nor when we have self inflicted pain. Through the calm and through the storm He is with us guiding our paths. All we have to do is choose to submit to Him and grab His hand. He'll help us up :)
Much Love,
Abbey
In church we sang a lot of songs that said in one way or another that God is with us in the good times and the bad times. In my minds eye I saw myself on top of a really high mountain, and then all of a sudden I jumped! Why would I do that!!?? I hate heights and, well, jumping off the top of a mountain is pretty stupid. Next thing I saw was God swooping in and catching me. "Oh good!" I thought, "He'll save me and take me back up to the top!" But it wasn't to be. He saved me alright, but instead of taking me right back to the top He gently flew me down to the bottom and cradled me on impact. I didn't die.
"Wait!" I could almost hear myself cry, "I don't want to be left here at the bottom, it's no fun here! I don't want to have to climb back to the top by myself it's too hard!" And God took my hand and said, "Who said anything about climbing alone?"
Through out the service and the day I've gone back over that mental image. First, why did I jump? I honestly believe that God was showing me that today's storm or trial was more or less my own fault. I wanted to hold on to my anger and bitterness because it made me feel like a victim and made me feel like as the victim I deserved to be lifted up and comforted. It made me feel like I deserved more than I really did. But in all honesty all it was doing was making me more and more upset and pushing me closer to the edge until I just couldn't take it anymore and had to just jump so that I could say "SEE GOD! I'm at the bottom! This is what happens when I don't get the love and compassion that I need!" Often times I go through struggles that are true storms, such as losing my mom. Those struggles are more like a fall. But even more often I run head long into those storms just to get some sympathy, it is then that I jump to my doom.
However, God caught me and gently flew me to the bottom. He didn't raise me up and comfort me like I thought He would. Life is tough. We go through struggles. It's as simple as that. I wish I had an exact answer as to why God lets trials in to our lives, but I don't. I know that for myself God allows me to struggle so that I actually see Him working in my life and so I become humble before Him and His awesome power. In fact this morning as the hot shower water made me swear I begged God to show me a way to become humble today. I wanted Him to show me something that would really get to me... and He did :) Today's struggle was my own fault and I feel like I can hear God saying to me as He lands at the bottom with me in His arms, "Abbey, this is what you wanted. You wanted to be at the bottom and be a victim. And because I know it's what's best for you, I'm going to allow it. I know you'll learn from this experience."
"BUT GOD! I don't Really want to be at the bottom! I mean, look at how high a climb that is to the top! MAN!"
"Let me help you Abbey. I will be with you in trouble, and I will deliver you"
And so God and I went hand in hand up that crazy mountain. The climb is tough and not exactly fun, but it's drawing me closer to my King and showing me what a Loving and Powerful King He is!
God never leaves us. Not when we're having such a good time that we barely pay attention to Him, nor when we have self inflicted pain. Through the calm and through the storm He is with us guiding our paths. All we have to do is choose to submit to Him and grab His hand. He'll help us up :)
Much Love,
Abbey
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)