I love a good old pat on the back when I've done something good. I love it when people tell me I'm a good person or I do amazing things. It feels good. I want people to look at me and say, "Wow she is an amazing Christian woman!" But... I want them to say that about me and not necessarily about what God is doing in my life. My thoughts keep going back to that verse about the jars of clay... you know, the one I've already done 2 posts about. It's like God wont let me forget it.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
2 Corinthians 4:7
In my last post about this verse I talked about how I no longer wanted to patch up my mistakes but wanted God to shine through all my cracks. The mental image I had was me shoving clay into all my cracks so that it looked like I never struggled with sin, or at least not any of the big sins that would cause people to think badly of me. But by patching up those sins or by acting like they never existed I was blocking out God's shining power and grace. I wasn't letting people see God working in me. I wanted to change that.. and still do.
But now another problem is revealing itself. I want people to see God shinning in me... but for the wrong reasons. I love saying "Oh it's all God, not me!" unfortunately there are times when I say it so that people see me as super righteous and so Godly! I want them to see God's light shining in me so that I can say "Yep, I let God have control of this, that, and the other thing! Aren't I so amazing and committed?"
The mental image I get from this is me sealing my cracks with a clear glaze. You can still see the crack and God's light shining through.... but now there's a bit of me and my control showing. And now God's light isn't as bright. It's some what muted from the thin layer of me. Is that really what I want? Do I really want to get in God's way? Why am I so focused on being seen and praised? Deep down I know I don't deserve it, I know that God is to be praised for all the goodness in my life. It wasn't me that suddenly developed the formula to let go of anger! It was God working in me and nudging me constantly. But there's still this little part of me that says, "Ya but you let Him in... you let Him work in you right? So don't you deserve a pat on the back?"
This is what I'm really struggling with at the moment... and well for my whole life to be honest. I wish I could tie this post up with a pretty little bow and say, "And that is how I figured out how to be humble and point solely at God and not myself! Much love, Abbey!" But, I can't. And I'm ok with that. This is yet another place where God is going to move and change me. Yet another glowing spot in my very "cracked" life! I'm excited to see God at work. Please pray for my journey with our Lord. Please pray that He humbles me and awes me with how great He is! I want to be totally sold out for our Savior. I want Him to truly be my Lord. Please pray that i get over myself :) Watch Him work, not me!
Much Love,
Abbey
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
180 Video
Have you ever had trouble explaining why abortion is wrong? Do you feel like you just don't know how to argue it? Have you ever talked to someone who thinks their a good person that deserves to go to Heaven despite the fact that they don't believe in Christ, but just don't know how to explain to them that we are all sinners worthy of hell? If so I would strongly encourage you to watch this 30 min. video. It tackles both issues and really get you thinking! Such a powerful video!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Temporary patches vrs. true change
6For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
2 Corinthians 4:6-7
Who here loves being imperfect? Who likes having problems, or likes making mistakes? If you said "Me!" you have something wrong with you ;) But seriously, who likes getting things wrong?
I personally can't stand having the wrong answer or looking foolish. I don't like admitting my faults unless it some how benefits me. As today's verse says, we are like jars of clay. The mental image that comes to mind is a clay jar that is thin in some places, cracked in others, and holes in the most inconvenient places.
I don't want to be a cracked jar. I want to be a pretty vase with no holes! So when I struggle with sin I start patching up those holes by telling people what it is I'm doing to fix it. "Just a little extra clay here, and voila! No more hole!"
I want to look good. I want to look like I'm all put together by my own strengths. I'm no weakling! I can change all on my own! Sin? No I don't struggle with that! See I can patch it up!
But when I patch up my own mistakes I'm blocking out God's light. I'm taking all the credit for something that I honestly cannot do on my own. Sure the patches may stay for a while... but after a while they'll just crumble and need new clay.
Maybe being a jar with holes really isn't so bad? Maybe if I allow God to fill them with His light instead of with dark decaying clay change will actually be more permanent?
I need to stop trying to paint this picture of me being perfect and on top of things. I need to admit to my down falls, confess my sin. Allow God to shine through the holes and show everyone that He is in control and that He, not I, is changing me for the better.
Lord take me from this.....
To THIS!!!
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
2 Corinthians 4:6-7
Who here loves being imperfect? Who likes having problems, or likes making mistakes? If you said "Me!" you have something wrong with you ;) But seriously, who likes getting things wrong?
I personally can't stand having the wrong answer or looking foolish. I don't like admitting my faults unless it some how benefits me. As today's verse says, we are like jars of clay. The mental image that comes to mind is a clay jar that is thin in some places, cracked in others, and holes in the most inconvenient places.
I don't want to be a cracked jar. I want to be a pretty vase with no holes! So when I struggle with sin I start patching up those holes by telling people what it is I'm doing to fix it. "Just a little extra clay here, and voila! No more hole!"
I want to look good. I want to look like I'm all put together by my own strengths. I'm no weakling! I can change all on my own! Sin? No I don't struggle with that! See I can patch it up!
But when I patch up my own mistakes I'm blocking out God's light. I'm taking all the credit for something that I honestly cannot do on my own. Sure the patches may stay for a while... but after a while they'll just crumble and need new clay.
Maybe being a jar with holes really isn't so bad? Maybe if I allow God to fill them with His light instead of with dark decaying clay change will actually be more permanent?
I need to stop trying to paint this picture of me being perfect and on top of things. I need to admit to my down falls, confess my sin. Allow God to shine through the holes and show everyone that He is in control and that He, not I, is changing me for the better.
Lord take me from this.....
To THIS!!!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Embarking on a new journey
Sometimes God asks you to do things you really don't want to do. Sometimes it's show love to the guy that is constantly picking on you or the lady that is ALWAYS telling you the gory details of her life even though she barely knows you. Other times He asks you to go outside of your comfort zone and witness to a scary mob or confrontational co-worker. And sometimes He asks you to do something that sounds like absolutely NO fun! This is where I am at.
For the past few weeks I have been doing my devotions at work. I'm always the first one in and I usually get a good 10 min or more to read my Bible study and do some reflection and prayer. I would feel slightly rushed but really it has been good. But lately I have really been feeling a tug on my heart to put God first and foremost. I need to start my day with Him. Not get my daily stuff done and then fit Him into a 10 min. slot at work. I've been noticing how God is always at the back of my mind. I find myself rationalizing, "Well once I get this cleaned up and dinner made I'll get to God. Or maybe I should make sure some other things get done and then I'll get to God." Get to God... shouldn't it be "Ok God I'm yours! Lets do this! And then when you're done with my undivided attention I'll get the day to day stuff done." I truly feel like God is telling me to put Him first and give Him as much time as He wants, and then He'll help me get what I Need to get done, done. All too often I worry about my house being spotless and thinking I Have to get it cleaned right away. But lately I've been giving my day to the Lord and asking Him to help me focus on the things that need to get done and not worry about the things that don't. If I give Him the control then the important things will get done and the unimportant things can wait until later.... Having Him in control is GREAT!
So my new journey is to put God first... which means devotions at 5:30 AM. AHHH! I am not a morning person! But that is what devotion is right? To devote your time to God instead of just doing it when it's convinient for you. I am going to change my outlook on devotion and really strive to say thank you to Jesus by putting Him first and foremost everyday and every minute. He knows what is important, He'll make it all work out (though I'm sure He wont zap me with early morning cheer :) I pray that God convicts me and keeps me accountable to having true devotion with Him.
With love,
Abbey
For the past few weeks I have been doing my devotions at work. I'm always the first one in and I usually get a good 10 min or more to read my Bible study and do some reflection and prayer. I would feel slightly rushed but really it has been good. But lately I have really been feeling a tug on my heart to put God first and foremost. I need to start my day with Him. Not get my daily stuff done and then fit Him into a 10 min. slot at work. I've been noticing how God is always at the back of my mind. I find myself rationalizing, "Well once I get this cleaned up and dinner made I'll get to God. Or maybe I should make sure some other things get done and then I'll get to God." Get to God... shouldn't it be "Ok God I'm yours! Lets do this! And then when you're done with my undivided attention I'll get the day to day stuff done." I truly feel like God is telling me to put Him first and give Him as much time as He wants, and then He'll help me get what I Need to get done, done. All too often I worry about my house being spotless and thinking I Have to get it cleaned right away. But lately I've been giving my day to the Lord and asking Him to help me focus on the things that need to get done and not worry about the things that don't. If I give Him the control then the important things will get done and the unimportant things can wait until later.... Having Him in control is GREAT!
So my new journey is to put God first... which means devotions at 5:30 AM. AHHH! I am not a morning person! But that is what devotion is right? To devote your time to God instead of just doing it when it's convinient for you. I am going to change my outlook on devotion and really strive to say thank you to Jesus by putting Him first and foremost everyday and every minute. He knows what is important, He'll make it all work out (though I'm sure He wont zap me with early morning cheer :) I pray that God convicts me and keeps me accountable to having true devotion with Him.
With love,
Abbey
Friday, October 7, 2011
Lets worship!
Here a few videos of worship songs that I LOVE!!! May God's name be praised and glorified!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
A Love letter from the Lord
My Dearest Abbey,
As My child you are to be patient and kind; you should not envy what others have or can do, nor should you boast upon your possessions or talents; (For everything that you have I gave to you, do not boast as though you did not receive it as a gift.) do not be arrogant or rude for though I am Majestic I regard the lowly, but the haughty I know from afar. Do not insist on your own way; do not be irritable or resentful of those who have wronged you. My daughter, do not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoice with the truth. Bear all things, believe all things, hope in all things, and, my sweet girl, endure all things. You will have suffering in this world, but take heart my dear, I have overcome the world! Abide in Me, My love! For I am the vine and you are my branch. I will give you the life and energy to produce much fruit! Remember that apart from me you can do nothing. Cling to Me My beautiful child! Hold on to my promises. Know that all things work together for the good of those who love Me! Set your eyes on Me and I promise that the sufferings of this world are not even worth comparing to the glory and joy that I have planned for your homecoming! I love you more than life itself Abbey! Look to the cross and remember My love.
I am ALWAYS with you,
Your Father, Your Savior, and Your Guiding Spirit in One
This started out as me just writing out 1 Corinthians 13:4 with a personal twist. It ended up being a full letter consisting of scripture passages that the Lord placed on my heart. All of the promises and commandments are straight from God's word! I would really encourage you to go back through it and put your name in there, His promises for me are the same for you :)
Scripture references: 1 Corinthians 13:4, 1 Corinthians 4:7, Psalm 138:6, John 16:33, John 15:5, Romans 8:28, Romans 8:18.
As My child you are to be patient and kind; you should not envy what others have or can do, nor should you boast upon your possessions or talents; (For everything that you have I gave to you, do not boast as though you did not receive it as a gift.) do not be arrogant or rude for though I am Majestic I regard the lowly, but the haughty I know from afar. Do not insist on your own way; do not be irritable or resentful of those who have wronged you. My daughter, do not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoice with the truth. Bear all things, believe all things, hope in all things, and, my sweet girl, endure all things. You will have suffering in this world, but take heart my dear, I have overcome the world! Abide in Me, My love! For I am the vine and you are my branch. I will give you the life and energy to produce much fruit! Remember that apart from me you can do nothing. Cling to Me My beautiful child! Hold on to my promises. Know that all things work together for the good of those who love Me! Set your eyes on Me and I promise that the sufferings of this world are not even worth comparing to the glory and joy that I have planned for your homecoming! I love you more than life itself Abbey! Look to the cross and remember My love.
I am ALWAYS with you,
Your Father, Your Savior, and Your Guiding Spirit in One
This started out as me just writing out 1 Corinthians 13:4 with a personal twist. It ended up being a full letter consisting of scripture passages that the Lord placed on my heart. All of the promises and commandments are straight from God's word! I would really encourage you to go back through it and put your name in there, His promises for me are the same for you :)
Scripture references: 1 Corinthians 13:4, 1 Corinthians 4:7, Psalm 138:6, John 16:33, John 15:5, Romans 8:28, Romans 8:18.
Monday, September 26, 2011
My Testimony
Yesterday at Church we had a celebration service which included baptisms. As I sat listening to the testimonies I couldn't get over how no one could quite explain how their life had changed. They obviously had become better people... but they just couldn't put into words the inward change that resulted in Joy and Peace. I love it! I love that God gives us something SO amazing that we can hardly explain it! Later in the afternoon I went on a walk with a new friend and we started talking a little bit about how we came to really love Christ and I could not truly explain all that went down and how my life miraculously changed. But I have felt the desire to share my testimony here for quite a while... so though I have a small vocabulary and my writing technique isn't quite the best, I am going to do it! May God be glorified through my story and stir the hearts that are sitting on the fence or completely on the other side.
Like many people from around here (small town Central IL) I grew up in a loving Christian family. We went to church every Sunday, my older sisters attended youth group and I attended AWANA and VBS. Most of my friends growing up were church friends. Living in a generally "Christian" town I was constantly bombarded by Bible stories or moral lessons. You would think this would be the end of my story. I was in love with Jesus from the moment I was able to understand who He was... unfortunately that's not how it happened. Though my family was amazing and loving we were all still human. There were times where fights broke out and stony silence took over the house. During these times I would get SO angry with God. My life would be all rainbows and sunshine and then do a complete 180. I couldn't understand how there was a loving God that was in control of all of this. It seemed like such a lie. However, at the age of 7 I "gave my life to Christ." In all honesty I wanted my dad to say a prayer at dinner time so that everyone focused on me the rest of the night. It was all about the attention I would get and nothing about knowing what Jesus had done for me. The next ten years is pretty much a blur of living for myself. There would be times where I would think about God and at least some what realize I needed Him... but that feeling went away as soon as the T.V. came on or a friend called. I just really didn't care. Sure I thought God was awesome when life was going good. But I still didn't care enough to thank Him or get to know Him. But as soon as the tables turned and something went south I was very quick to let Him know exactly how I felt. I remember running into my room when things went bad and considering throwing my Bible right through the glass of my window, That would show God!!! I even wrote in my journal once that I saw God as a bored and cruel creator that made us just so He could toy around with us. I said that my family's suffering was His favorite day time Soap Opera. I lived like that for so long. Then when I turned 17 I attended a youth group type deal called the cabin (It was literally held in a cabin for those of you asking why) The speaker one night talked about Jesus and what He had done for us. He explained to us that we were all sinners and all destined for hell unless we accepted Christ. That night I realized I was not a Christian. Once again I "gave my heart to Christ." I say it that way because I really don't know if I did. I told people I did for years.. but really I still didn't do it because I loved Christ but simply because I wanted life to get better. I didn't read my bible or get into prayer or anything. There was no fruit in my life to prove that I had truly accepted Christ. Later on that year I met my husband and started dating him. This is horrible to admit but I started acting like a good little Christian because I knew my dad didn't think I was ready to seriously start a relationship with a guy. So I lived out a lie for at least 2 years just to get my way. I started going to Harvest Bible chapel with Jason and really enjoyed it. I became a Sunday Christian. I loved church and getting to know more, but once Monday came I just wanted to be lazy and have fun. Oh sure when people asked I told them I was a Christian and I stuck to my moral opinions. I never went out and partied or did drugs or anything like that. But I did that to save face, not because I knew it was what God wanted.
On July 16th 2010 I married my sweet hubby. That poor poor man! Within the first week of our marriage I was crabby and oh so selfish. For the next few months I manipulated and whined to get what I wanted. If he didn't hang out with me the minute he got in the door I cried and cried. I'm so embarrassed by this! But I started realizing I was putting all my hope into my husband who is a sinful and selfish human being just like the rest of us! I could feel that something just wasn't right. But again I tried fixing it by getting a job or watching T.V. or just staying busy. Nothing seemed to work. I was interested in God but I just didn't want to take the time to get to know Him (story of my life) Through out all of this my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia and was getting sicker and sicker. About two years prior she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had complications from chemo. God intervened there and miraculously healed her. But this time things were just looking complicated. For once I wasn't angry with God but I was just confused. How could He allow one of His miracles to get sick again? I just didn't understand... and still don't.
Suddenly in January of this year I got a real hunger to get into God's word. I started with Romans and couldn't put it down. I would read a chapter in my NLT bible, underline verses and then look them up in my ESV and NKJ. This is something I have never done. I kept a journal on what I was learning and felt it changing my heart. Here I get to the point where I just can't explain it. All I can say is it was not me at all, God melted my heart and stirred a desire in me. And man did He have perfect timing!
On February 8th my sweet wonderful Momma passed away. My normal human self would have ran to my bedroom and blamed God for all of my pain. I would have shouted at Him and told Him I hated Him....but God had changed me. Instead I felt such peace knowing that my Mom was with Him and wasn't having to deal with anymore Dr.s or pain. I believed the promises He gave me. His word is full of promises and evidence that He has kept them! I miss my mom SO much, but I can't get passed the grace that God showed all of us. This winter was my turning point. I am not who I once was. There are times where I want to fall back into my lazy apathetic state, but God tugs on my heart and I actually listen and respond. Only by His grace and power. I can easily tell you that I have changed so much on the outside. I don't get upset with Jay nearly as much, I am able to give up a little more control in each situation, I'm less anxious, I don't fall into anger as easily, and I am happy. But these things don't even begin to express that change that has gone on inside of me. There is so much Joy and Fire for my Lord. I trust and love Him. I have put Him in control of (most) of my life. I still struggle with that one. God is teaching me so many wonderful things! There are times when I don't want to die simply because I love the mystery of it all and love seeing God through His creation. But most times I'm so excited to see my creator. UGH! I wish we had the words to describe this amazing feeling and life changing experience! Every time I try to tell someone about this I try to figure out what I did to finally change. Did I pray for God to help me? Did i finally figure out a good way to read the Bible? What finally did it for me? For some reason I keep thinking it had to have been something I did. But I didn't find a formula for reading my bible and praying. It had absolutely nothing to do with me. God just did it. He just made it happen. He could feel my heart softening towards Him. He knew I was on the fence leaning over towards His side. He knew I needed a bit of prodding and encouragement. It's about God's timing and who He is! Just ask Him to show you who He is. Let Him take control. He'll amaze you!
With Love,
Abbey
Like many people from around here (small town Central IL) I grew up in a loving Christian family. We went to church every Sunday, my older sisters attended youth group and I attended AWANA and VBS. Most of my friends growing up were church friends. Living in a generally "Christian" town I was constantly bombarded by Bible stories or moral lessons. You would think this would be the end of my story. I was in love with Jesus from the moment I was able to understand who He was... unfortunately that's not how it happened. Though my family was amazing and loving we were all still human. There were times where fights broke out and stony silence took over the house. During these times I would get SO angry with God. My life would be all rainbows and sunshine and then do a complete 180. I couldn't understand how there was a loving God that was in control of all of this. It seemed like such a lie. However, at the age of 7 I "gave my life to Christ." In all honesty I wanted my dad to say a prayer at dinner time so that everyone focused on me the rest of the night. It was all about the attention I would get and nothing about knowing what Jesus had done for me. The next ten years is pretty much a blur of living for myself. There would be times where I would think about God and at least some what realize I needed Him... but that feeling went away as soon as the T.V. came on or a friend called. I just really didn't care. Sure I thought God was awesome when life was going good. But I still didn't care enough to thank Him or get to know Him. But as soon as the tables turned and something went south I was very quick to let Him know exactly how I felt. I remember running into my room when things went bad and considering throwing my Bible right through the glass of my window, That would show God!!! I even wrote in my journal once that I saw God as a bored and cruel creator that made us just so He could toy around with us. I said that my family's suffering was His favorite day time Soap Opera. I lived like that for so long. Then when I turned 17 I attended a youth group type deal called the cabin (It was literally held in a cabin for those of you asking why) The speaker one night talked about Jesus and what He had done for us. He explained to us that we were all sinners and all destined for hell unless we accepted Christ. That night I realized I was not a Christian. Once again I "gave my heart to Christ." I say it that way because I really don't know if I did. I told people I did for years.. but really I still didn't do it because I loved Christ but simply because I wanted life to get better. I didn't read my bible or get into prayer or anything. There was no fruit in my life to prove that I had truly accepted Christ. Later on that year I met my husband and started dating him. This is horrible to admit but I started acting like a good little Christian because I knew my dad didn't think I was ready to seriously start a relationship with a guy. So I lived out a lie for at least 2 years just to get my way. I started going to Harvest Bible chapel with Jason and really enjoyed it. I became a Sunday Christian. I loved church and getting to know more, but once Monday came I just wanted to be lazy and have fun. Oh sure when people asked I told them I was a Christian and I stuck to my moral opinions. I never went out and partied or did drugs or anything like that. But I did that to save face, not because I knew it was what God wanted.
On July 16th 2010 I married my sweet hubby. That poor poor man! Within the first week of our marriage I was crabby and oh so selfish. For the next few months I manipulated and whined to get what I wanted. If he didn't hang out with me the minute he got in the door I cried and cried. I'm so embarrassed by this! But I started realizing I was putting all my hope into my husband who is a sinful and selfish human being just like the rest of us! I could feel that something just wasn't right. But again I tried fixing it by getting a job or watching T.V. or just staying busy. Nothing seemed to work. I was interested in God but I just didn't want to take the time to get to know Him (story of my life) Through out all of this my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia and was getting sicker and sicker. About two years prior she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had complications from chemo. God intervened there and miraculously healed her. But this time things were just looking complicated. For once I wasn't angry with God but I was just confused. How could He allow one of His miracles to get sick again? I just didn't understand... and still don't.
Suddenly in January of this year I got a real hunger to get into God's word. I started with Romans and couldn't put it down. I would read a chapter in my NLT bible, underline verses and then look them up in my ESV and NKJ. This is something I have never done. I kept a journal on what I was learning and felt it changing my heart. Here I get to the point where I just can't explain it. All I can say is it was not me at all, God melted my heart and stirred a desire in me. And man did He have perfect timing!
On February 8th my sweet wonderful Momma passed away. My normal human self would have ran to my bedroom and blamed God for all of my pain. I would have shouted at Him and told Him I hated Him....but God had changed me. Instead I felt such peace knowing that my Mom was with Him and wasn't having to deal with anymore Dr.s or pain. I believed the promises He gave me. His word is full of promises and evidence that He has kept them! I miss my mom SO much, but I can't get passed the grace that God showed all of us. This winter was my turning point. I am not who I once was. There are times where I want to fall back into my lazy apathetic state, but God tugs on my heart and I actually listen and respond. Only by His grace and power. I can easily tell you that I have changed so much on the outside. I don't get upset with Jay nearly as much, I am able to give up a little more control in each situation, I'm less anxious, I don't fall into anger as easily, and I am happy. But these things don't even begin to express that change that has gone on inside of me. There is so much Joy and Fire for my Lord. I trust and love Him. I have put Him in control of (most) of my life. I still struggle with that one. God is teaching me so many wonderful things! There are times when I don't want to die simply because I love the mystery of it all and love seeing God through His creation. But most times I'm so excited to see my creator. UGH! I wish we had the words to describe this amazing feeling and life changing experience! Every time I try to tell someone about this I try to figure out what I did to finally change. Did I pray for God to help me? Did i finally figure out a good way to read the Bible? What finally did it for me? For some reason I keep thinking it had to have been something I did. But I didn't find a formula for reading my bible and praying. It had absolutely nothing to do with me. God just did it. He just made it happen. He could feel my heart softening towards Him. He knew I was on the fence leaning over towards His side. He knew I needed a bit of prodding and encouragement. It's about God's timing and who He is! Just ask Him to show you who He is. Let Him take control. He'll amaze you!
With Love,
Abbey
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